MY SPIRIT OF DISCONTENTMENT
I found myself this morning, like I do many mornings, going through the motions ... following the routines or habits of my life. This morning, as I was putting the bathmat down and getting the water in the shower warmed up, I found myself thinking, "This is just like Groundhog Day! Is my life never going to be anything but getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed, and starting all over again?"
I had to stop myself.
From an outside glance, my world is very small. My life is not at all exciting. Married people? My single world is NOT at all exciting. I have bills. I have debt ... OH MY WORD! If I allowed myself to dwell on it for just a half second, it can be overwhelming how much debt I have.
But, in amidst all that, I have been blessed. I have had opportunities that not everyone has gotten. I have had experiences that have shaped me. I have a good life.
I forget that at times ... the good life part. I forget it when I am panicking about how I am going gut my bathroom ... or redo the pipes in my house ... or think for even a minute about what would happen if my old HVAC system went out ... or how I am going to insulate my crawl space ... or paint my living room ... or ... the list is long and panic-inducing.
While I was combing out my hair this morning, following the routine, I realized what it was driving the panic and the Groundhog Day thoughts ... my discontentment.
My discontentment can be an ugly monster that rears its gnarling face during those times when blind routine becomes the norm.
Here's the thing, though: My God, the One that loves me, He never changes. He is a constant.
Why must I have constant change and desire more and more and not find contentment right where He has placed me?
I don't know the answer to that question. I wished I did, but, thankfully, He doesn't need me to know everything in order to work. Thankfully, He is able to work despite my days where my spirit of discontentment grows large within me.
Today, as I sip my coffee (because we all know I cannot person without it), I will determine to enjoy this life ... with all of its crazy dips and unexpected turns and daily routines. Even in the boring, He blesses. So, I will attempt a spirit of expectancy!
I had to stop myself.
From an outside glance, my world is very small. My life is not at all exciting. Married people? My single world is NOT at all exciting. I have bills. I have debt ... OH MY WORD! If I allowed myself to dwell on it for just a half second, it can be overwhelming how much debt I have.
But, in amidst all that, I have been blessed. I have had opportunities that not everyone has gotten. I have had experiences that have shaped me. I have a good life.
I forget that at times ... the good life part. I forget it when I am panicking about how I am going gut my bathroom ... or redo the pipes in my house ... or think for even a minute about what would happen if my old HVAC system went out ... or how I am going to insulate my crawl space ... or paint my living room ... or ... the list is long and panic-inducing.
While I was combing out my hair this morning, following the routine, I realized what it was driving the panic and the Groundhog Day thoughts ... my discontentment.
My discontentment can be an ugly monster that rears its gnarling face during those times when blind routine becomes the norm.
Here's the thing, though: My God, the One that loves me, He never changes. He is a constant.
Why must I have constant change and desire more and more and not find contentment right where He has placed me?
I don't know the answer to that question. I wished I did, but, thankfully, He doesn't need me to know everything in order to work. Thankfully, He is able to work despite my days where my spirit of discontentment grows large within me.
Today, as I sip my coffee (because we all know I cannot person without it), I will determine to enjoy this life ... with all of its crazy dips and unexpected turns and daily routines. Even in the boring, He blesses. So, I will attempt a spirit of expectancy!
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