Sunday, May 28, 2017

THE OFFICIAL NOD TO SUMMER

If you're a Mitten-born human, Memorial Day Weekend is the OFFICIAL start of summer.  Oh sure.  There are still a few more weeks of school ... there are graduations and open houses and stuff like that.  But if you grew up in Michigan, you know that Memorial Day Weekend is when every one makes a mass journey North (capitalization intended) to open up cottages and put the dock and boat in. Once those items are ticked off the TO DO list, Summer is here.

If you don't own a cottage but love to camp, this is the first weekend of many that you travel to a rustic destination where you hook up the RV or camper or fifth wheel or pop the tent and enjoy a weekend of sun and water and campfires and fun.

I live in the Bluegrass State now, and have for almost 11 years (which seems INSANE when I think about it!). But my heart strings tug every time Memorial Day Weekend rolls around.  I am eager to go to a lake some where ... listen to the waves lap onto the shore line ... light a bonfire and walk away smelling of fire and sunblock and mosquito spray.

There's a part of me that hankers for a spontaneous trip somewhere .... somewhere close to the water ... to a campfire ... where the trees are tall and the scent of cedar hangs in the air ... I even long for those monster mosquitoes!  The ones that are so big they could pick you up and carry you back into the woods.

I love every season!  They each have some redeeming factor that sets them apart from each other.  However, there is something about a summer stretching out in front of you that is just almost heart-stopping.

I'm like a kid again seeing all the possibilities a summer has to offer me....

Welcome Summer!  You've been missed.


Tuesday, May 16, 2017

THE LOANER CAR -- YOU MIGHT HAVE HIT OLD FART STATUS IF ...

So, my Escape is "in the shop."  All I've got to say is that what ever the issue is, I hope it is finally resolved.

But that's a blog post for another time.

I got this loaner car, which is a good thing because I can't get to school without wheels.  Ya know....they are sort of necessary.

After the guy made me sign a piece of paper that made sure I knew if I wrapped the car around a tree, it would be on my insurance, he gave me the daggone keyless start.

Now, I've had a loaner with keyless start.  I looked like a real rube trying to figure that out for the first 5 minutes of getting in the car. But I figured it out.

So, I was prepared for that ... seeing as this is a brand new Fusion.

What I wasn't prepared for?  The knob with the P, R, N, and D on it.  What in the world do they want me to do with a knob!?

It's a knob, so one would assume that I would turn it to the appropriate letter, right?  Nope. I was utterly befuddled as I pushed the letters and the center of the knob.

That was five minutes of my life I will never get back!

The dash is all digital as well.  Like, completely computerized!

I was telling my dad about it, and his response was simple, "If I ever had to buy a new car and they offer me one of those deals, I'd tell them to go back and get me something else!"

"Like a crank start car, Dad? What was that? Like a Model T?"

Y'all.  I might be skating into OLD FART status.


MEETING ME WHERE I AM AT

Last night was not a good night for me.

I had a ton of stuff to get done.  It didn't get done.

I am dealing with a possible car problem ... again. (Can these engineers not invent a car sans issues!?!?! We can invent robots that can fly our Amazon packages to our doorstep, for heaven's sake!).

I am struggling physically.

I am struggling with relationships.

I am  just struggling.

I hit my breaking point last night as I was getting into bed.

Psalms 130: 1-2 "Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord! O Lord, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!"

Yeah, I was all kinds of that passage in Psalms last night. ALLLLLL KINDS.

And then a sweet friend texted me. I doubt she had any idea what she was getting into when she did so. I am nothing if not brutally honest, and I let her know just exactly what she was texting in the middle of ... my emotional breakdown.  I haven't had one of those in a long while ...

To her credit, she stuck with me and provided me with some sweet words that calmed my spirit enough that I was able to sleep.

God meets me where I need Him. I don't always understand how He does it or the timing in which He does it. But He does it.

Today is a new day with new and amazing adventures to have (or just the same old, same old ... I suppose it's all how you look at it).

I know that whatever happens, He has me securely in this grip. I really have nothing to worry about.


Sunday, May 07, 2017

LISTENING TO WHO LISTENS

You know those friends you have?  Those one in a million friends?  The ones who are willing to call you on your crap but turn around and point out all those things you thought were faults but were really virtues all along?

I'm lucky to have a few friends like that ... people I can trust with my craziest dreams ... and my scariest nightmares.

I've been struggling this past week.  Really struggling. I woke up this morning feeling weighted down  under the immensity of the struggle.  I texted a friend, one I knew would understand the struggle.  It's been her struggle as well. During the course of the text conversation, I said, "I want to do it all and perfectly, and if I can't, then I give up."

She responded, "Makes sense. But you don't really quit anything ... other than maybe taking care of yourself."

Huh!  I've never really thought about that before.  I see myself as a big quitter.  So, I said, "I don't? I feel like I've given up on everything."

Her reply rocked me. "You haven't.  You pretty much accomplish everything you set your mind to."

I am not sure why, but we get things into our heads, and it takes something close to a nuclear bomb to remove it from it's cozy spot in our heads.  I see myself as something completely different (and often with much more of a negative spin) than the people around me, especially those that know me and love me.

Why is it that we have so much difficulty seeing ourselves through the lens of others?  And why is the lens we use so very critical?

And why are we using lenses anyway?

I suppose if I knew the answer to these questions, I wouldn't be struggling like I am ...




Thursday, May 04, 2017

DO YOU THINK I WILL SLEEP AGAIN?

I am averaging 5 hours of sleep these days.

I can't seem to get it all done, and it ALLLLL needs to be done.

I am looking in my school bag right now and wondering when it is all going to get done. I'm wondering, but I don't have an answer to that one.

Pretty sure things are procreating in that bag.  It's like this freaking magical bag out of the pages of a Stephen King novel or something.

In order to get my butt in gear (and allow myself precious coffee time), I have been dragging my butt out of bed at 4:45 in the morning -- just call me crazy. It wouldn't be the first time I've heard that one.  Yet, here it is 9:42 p.m., and I am no where near being done. I am seven hours away from getting up again, and hours and hours of work left to do.

That doesn't count the piles sitting on my floor at school.  Yes!  I said floor.  I have resorted to creating TO DO piles on my floor at school.

Y'all.  Who does that?

Recently, I've found myself looking at my cat as she sleeps, stretched out and cozy, with a great deal of envy.  It's a sure sign you've sunk to a new low when you are envious of your feline. I mean, she licks her hindquarters for heaven's sake ... okay, theoretically, -- it's awfully messy for an animal that is supposed to be a self-groomer. But that is a post for another time.

The question becomes, will I ever sleep again?  Will I ever get a good seven to eight hours of sleep again?

Or am I resigned to this five to six hours business?

A few more nights of this, and I'm going to start looking my age. Forty-five year old bags under the eyes and all. Drawn ... wrinkled ... gray hairs sticking out further than they already do ... I'm envisioning the old lady filter on Snap Chat, and that filter is scary.  SCARY. I've never been a proponent of plastic surgery, but after seeing that Snap Chat pic?  Holy wrinkles, Batman!

I'd rather say I'm making exhaustion look good!

Yeah ... I don't believe it either.


Tuesday, May 02, 2017

WEIGHING HEAVILY ON ME

Things are weighing heavily on me.

I can't really pinpoint what exactly.  Just lots of things.

The stress things ...

The sleepless things ...

The TO DO things ...

The "what she just said offended me" things ...

The "he just hurt my feelings" things ...

The school things ...

The house things ...

The bill things ...

The friend things ...

The not my friend things ...

The "she's being kind" things ...

The "he's being mean" things ...

The fair things ...

The unfair things ...

The "I'm stepping all over you to make myself look better" things ...

The celebrating other's joys things ...

The showing the envy and jealousy things ...

All the things ... they are weighing heavily on me.  I have this dark feeling deep in my chest. I am not sure what it is, but I think I am going to go for a walk .... try to clear my head of all the things ...