Thursday, January 27, 2011

Sugar is my crack

It's been a hellavu of a week! I apologize to all of those with sensitive dispositions that might have come close to getting a case of the vapors over that opening sentence, but I speak the truth. And the truth is ... well, you remember that phrase about shoving a camel through an eye of needle or some such nonsense? Well, I'm the camel in this scenario, and there is a needle out there some where with the remnants of my hide covering its tiny eye!

After three meetings and a day full of CHILDREN, I was ready to come home and eat anything and everything, but that sort of commitment requires a certain amount of food preparation. Quite frankly, I didn't have that sort of spizzerinkum. In fact, I have NO MORE spizzerinkum. NONE. ZERO. ZILCH.

So, it was day #3 for me with some sort of grilled sandwich on the stove. I texted Elly the menu because that girl probably couldn't live one day with out getting a text from me on some ridiculous sound bite about the minutiae of my life. I mean, I'm sure she lives for those photos of the cat doing something wildly funny. Right? Cuz I mean, who wouldn't?

I've created a new game, by the way. It's called You know you're a Crazy Cat Lady When ... like, you know you're a Crazy Cat Lady when you text your friends and family photos of your cat in the sink or hanging over a toilet tank or something.

Elly was quick to respond that she and Princess were eating a Triple Chocolate Meltdown at Applebees. Well, my mouth began watering at the mere mention of chocolate, and as I looked down at my fancy post-work attire -- a pair of red plaid men's long-legged jammie pants; a stretched-out white t-shirt; a long, ugly, khaki-colored hooded sweater and hot pink flip-flops -- I wondered at the possibilities of actually meeting people that I knew at the local Dollar General, where I knew I could score some sugary crap on the cheap. And I mentioned to Elly that I thought I could actually consider straight-lining Conversation Hearts, if I had them in my house.

But then I thought that perhaps that was the incorrect use of that particular drug terminology, which made me begin to wonder what in the world would be the appropriate use of the drug term.

So, what does any intelligent, highly-educated writer/teacher do? Why she goes to Google! Of course, that was before she called the Crack Ho ... Tabby the Crack Ho, who is employed by our great Commonwealth of Kentucky, and who was recently dubbed the Crack Ho by one of our fine citizens of the aforementioned Commonwealth ... all because she was trying to do her job, which is to say, she was attempting to answer a question about back property taxes owed.

I mean, don't you think a Crack Ho would know if it was straight-lining or something different? Except, she didn't. She was forced to call another friend, who does have a bit of experience -- from waaaaay in her past -- in the world of, shall we say, non-prescription, but not over-the-counter drugs, and just so happened was in a major retail box store looking at vacuums. Only the friend couldn't think of the correct term either, even after she asked a COMPLETE AND TOTAL STRANGER that happened to be passing if she knew if it was straight-lining or not.

Turns out, there is, in fact, a government site out there on the web to get the needed slang drug terminology -- which meant that we didn't have to try to get a hold of any of the police officers that we knew to try to help us out with the street slang. As it just so happens straight-lining is the incorrect use of the slang. The term I was looking for was actually hard-lining. Apparently, these are two COMPLETELY different worlds, semantically speaking.

So, anyway, I could totally hard-line some Conversation Hearts if I actually had some here at the house.

But I don't.

Instead, I smeared peanut butter and Lite Chocolate Syrup over apples and pretended they were cream-filled donuts. Too bad that healthy syrup tastes like feet.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Please pass the umbrella

Well, I knew it would happen. I knew, uttering into space and time, that I was going to work at being a GLASS HALF FULL girl, that the giant Bird of Paradise and Happiness would come and drop the largest bird poop imaginable all over my day. I knew it like I knew the sky was blue and grass was green.

And guess what?

The Bird of Paradise and Happiness did not disappoint.

Major bird poop .... all over the place. My day looked like the *&#@ bird dive-bombed it.

Elly pointed out that I still need to be a girl whose glass is half full ... half full of a full-bodied red ... or a dry white ...

So, here I sit. With my wine glass half full and the BB Gun of Life aimed toward the heavens ...

To quote Elmer Fudd: "Be vewwy, vewwy quiet ... I'm hunting biwds!"

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The world is my toy box

Concluding a weekend

Earlier, I went through my typical, weekly Sunday Night Dread Fest, where the following items went through my mind ...
  1. Tomorrow is a Monday ... nothing more need be said.
  2. I'm going to have a staff meeting after school ... again, nothing more need be said.
  3. First night of grad class. I am really so over grad school already!
What made the the Dread Fest even worse was that I texted my friend Elly, and I basically told her that my Monday already SUCKED, and Monday wasn't even here yet. Well, if that isn't setting myself up for a HUGE amount of disaster, then I don't know what will!

When did I become the "glass is half-empty" person? I never use to be. I use to be able to look at the bright, sunny parts of just about anything. Beyond the fact that I've already spoken out loud how crappy my day will be (setting into motion all sorts of "bad karma"), the worst part is that I brought a friend down with me.

Today, I spent a wonderful 30 minutes on a brisk (read: COLD) walk through my neighborhood. I am determined to get back in shape ... again, and today was my "first step." Although it was cold, the walk was an amazing time for me to recharge and regroup. It was so quiet and peaceful, with only the birds and a few neighborhood dogs making any noise. What a lovely way to spend the afternoon.

And then I had to go and ruin it with my poopy 'tude.

Psalms 63:5 says, "I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you. "

My mouth hasn't been making very many joyful comments these days. In fact, truth be told, my "singing lips" have been pretty negative. And I shudder to think the amount of times I've brought countless others down with me.

As I conclude a quiet, restful, relaxing weekend, I'm resolved to really working on being a more positive influence on the people around me. That means really quelling the Negative Nellie and making my best efforts to look for the positive.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Saturday Cleaning

Some of us were cleaning. Some of us weren't.

Gotta love a deal

The color scheme in my bedroom will eventually be black and white with hints of a dusty, light, airy, girlie pink. I've been gathering stuff as I find it, and today, I ran across the DEAL OF THE CENTURY a la Pier 1 Imports ! These beaded pink pillows were originally priced at $34.95 each. They were in a clearance bin today, marked at $3.48 a piece! Well, of course, I jumped on such a deal.

The pillows pictured below are a bit posey-posey there on my bed currently ... I quickly posed them specifically for the photographic moment, if you will. Minus the ugly green blanket that is on my bed for obvious reasons (sic, CAT), the room is beginning to shape up nicely.

I'd love to find just the right pink shade or black and white shade for that antique lamp next to my bed. And perhaps, a lovely, furry-like pink throw for the foot of my bed (that would eventually turn gray due to a certain pampered puss).

In my master bath, I'm toying with the idea of painting all the nasty, cheap wood treatments (mirror, toilet paper holder, and towel rack) black, and I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE a large black and white print to hang in there as well. My only problem with that print is that I spray hairspray in there, and then end result wouldn't necessarily be pretty.

Just about the time I am done getting it all just the way I'd like it, my tastes will change, and I will be on the hunt for something else. The hunt is certainly fun though.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Self Portrait

There were a million things I should have been doing, but nope. There I sat, flashing photos of myself and the cat.

Snow day!

Parent Teacher Conferences were postponed, and so this is me, watching Emmy watch the snow fly sometime around 5 p.m. on Thursday.

Snow flakes are sooooo fascinating!

A view "up the street" at the corner. Check out that beautiful sky!

A view "down the street" looking at all my neighbors ... some of whom weren't "dug out" at that point. Seriously, folks! Twenty minutes with my shovel, tops, and I was done.

My driveway (pre-sun melting) and side yard. The birds were twittering and chirping. Very peaceful.

The homestead ... freshly shoveled. Check out that spot on my roof next to the chimney -- me thinks I will need to do some insulating in the ole attic eventually. Also, please note the crafty heart garland on the door. Cute, huh?

Standing in my driveway ... a shot of my side yard and neighbors' yards.

Looking up to the front door from my driveway. I think you can see how CRAZY the topography in my yard really is.

Another view looking up toward the front door ... from the driveway.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Yay for jammies

So, let's recap, shall we?

I woke up at 11:59 p.m., 1:something a.m., 3:something a.m., and, finally, 4:20 a.m., and was thoroughly exhausted by 6:15 a.m.

Looked at the calendar, and I realized, with much clarity, why my kiddos have been acting like they've all lost their minds ... FULL MOON.

7:30 a.m. rolled around, and I could hear them, literally, bouncing off the walls in the hallway. I made a concerted effort to drink a few extra gulps of coffee before I opened the proverbial gates because I know I'm going to need those precious drops of Life Blood.

8:00 a.m., I hauled my kiddos down to the gymnasium for the always-fun-for-me event we like to call School Wide Meeting. It's always fun for me due to the fact that my long, albeit fat, legs do not fit in those bleachers very well ... so that by the end of the SWM, my knees are killing me from being folded up under my chin for 30 minutes. A kindergartner I was sitting next sneezed, sending snot E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E. -- my coffee mug being one of the everywhere's. I quietly cursed as I closed the top and reminded myself to disinfect the mug when I got home from school (which I forgot to do, DARN IT!). I also cursed my poor clothing choice as my sweater kept sneaking up my back, revealing things the fifth graders behind me didn't really need to see. Let's be honest here, I don't even want to see what I was revealing.

8:30, 8:31, 8:32 ... 9:23 ... I have repeated myself more times than I care to, and it went something like this. "If you can not play this math game the correct way ... did you forget who I am meeting with this afternoon for Parent Teacher Conferences?"

10:55 a.m. I transport my kiddos to lunch, and then I attempt to fill out three pieces of very-important-paper-work-that-I-should-have-gotten-to-you-before-this-but-would-you-mind?

11:25 a.m. We cleaned out our desks in anticipation of the Parent Teacher Conferences because for some reason, my kiddos are horrified at the idea of their parents seeing a messy desk. Forget the behavior reports that I will be giving Moms and Dads, it's the idea that their parents might actually have a visual rendering of just what rock formation looks like when papers and what-not become impacted in one's desk.

12:00 p.m. I got my kiddos on various buses and in cars with well-wishes and "please be carefuls," and I high-tailed it out to get something quick to eat so that I could ACCOMPLISH GREAT AMOUNTS OF STUFF THAT IS PILING SO HIGH IT THREATENS TO BURY ME before Parent Teacher Conferences begin.

12:22 p.m. I made it to the Wendy's Drive-Thru window ... finally ... just as the snow begins to fall. Natives are in a panic at the sight of the evil white flakes.

12:40ish p.m. I made it back to the building ... scarfed down a bad lunch ... signed up some unsuspecting cell phone user -- not me -- for school closing alerts for my school ... signed up myself *this time* for those same alerts ... got all my paper work organized for the Parent Teacher Conferences ... made a GAGILLION copies.

2:01 p.m. I received the announcement that the Parent Teacher Conferences have been postponed. Curse under my breath.

3:01 p.m. Slip slide home, wherein, I lost control on the turn on to my road, regained control momentarily, only to lose it once more, and slide one quarter of the way down my driveway sideways.

3:20ish p.m. Commenced to breaking something vital on my body while spreading a HIGHLY combustible substance that may or may not be a salt-like material on my driveway. It did exactly NOTHING to melt the snow. Bonus!

Yay for jammies. When is spring?!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Recap ... a study in productivity

It was my mission this week to be as productive as possible while enjoying myself. To be honest, which I always try to be, I really thought that this would be a colossal waste of time. Seriously. I've always felt that trying to tick items off of a TO DO LIST was the polar opposite of fun. So, this whole Study in Productivity, was going to be the worst thing I'd dreamt up to this point.

And I have to admit, at the beginning of Saturday morning, I was singing the I TOLD YOU SO tune in the mirror to myself. After waking up late, but still early enough to beat the crowds at the grocery, I logged on to the computer to check my bank balance, and was met with the realization that I'd COMPLETELY forgotten about a technology conference chat I was to have.

Ugh! That put me back a full hour, and I wasn't able to make it to the grocery until closer to noon ... the DANGER HOUR on a Saturday when no one who works for the State has been paid since December 22nd.

On top of this ugly hiccup in my plans was the fact that I had somehow managed to miss the point that I'd run out of checks! A pretty MAJOR minor detail that caused me to make a flying trip to the bank to procure temporary checks to pay bills that were due!

The prognosis wasn't good for a Saturday full of productivity...

Only, for whatever reason, the normal Saturday throngs weren't as ... well, throngy. I was able to get in and get out with relative ease ... and that's saying a WHOLE LOT! The bank was able to get me the temps I needed, and I was on my way to a day of TO DOs done in no time!

I managed to get all my "errand" running done, and I even had time to chat with my parents and watch some television.

Sunday I was bitten by the ORGANIZING BUG, which entailed me hauling EVERYTHING out of my living room closet and then putting it all back in again ... except in a more orderly, organized fashion. It also meant that I organized all the random nails and screws and what-not that I'd been hauling from residence to residence (that's six residences, for those that have lost count!) into a lovely Do-Dad caddy specifically designed to organize what-not-and-so-forth. I was even able to read a couple of chapters in a book ... for pleasure! Oh the joy of such a feat!

Yesterday found me being crafty, creating a garland of my own design ... putting the vision I saw in my head, onto some fabric and ribbon. Those that know me well, know what an undertaking this crafty business can be.

Finally, I enjoyed myself! I fully, completely enjoyed myself. Something that hasn't happened for me in a very long time.

I've come to the realization that there is NEVER going to be a time when I "have it all done." So why kill myself ... beat myself up ... and generally fuss about something that is a complete impossibility.

Live a little, Murray!

And so I have ...

Monday, January 17, 2011

The intrepid photographer

This is my dad, ever the intrepid photographer ...

... and this is what he was photographing. I have no doubt his photograph ended up much better than mine.

Yes, he's not just snow-blowing air

I heard a commotion out front one day in December, and I decided to see what was causing it. The sweet man that takes care of the lawns for the elderly neighbors that surround me was out with his BEHEMOTH snow blower, taking care of business.

I used a broom on my drive way, but whatever blows your skirt up.

Whitman's Christmas Village

I have finally found some time to post a few photos. As some of my faithful readers (all seven of you) may remember, I blogged about a paper Christmas village I received as a Christmas present when I was a child. You might remember that I prattled on and on about how much I LOVED this village, and how I would just die if I could have it once again.

Well, guess what?!? My sister got it for me this past Christmas, and I JUST LOVE IT!!!! Currently, it's safely packed away in a box down in the basement, but I will freely admit to the fact that I can not wait to get it out next Christmas and find some place fun to display it.

Daily dose of L.A.Z.Y.

Getting my CRAFTY on

When it became obvious that I would have to take down Christmas decorations, leaving my house a naked decorating nightmare, I got it in my head that I would craft a heart garland to hang from my mantle, allowing a little decorating warmth to be created in an otherwise, cold decorating season.

But see, here's the thing, I don't craft things. Or rather, I don't craft things well. If it requires any amount of patience, I am out! This little brainstorm was not only going to required patience, it required a trip to Joann Fabrics, where upon my arrival, I was inundated with tools and millinery about which I knew absolutely NOTHING. ZILCH. ZERO!

If that wasn't a disaster in the making in and of itself, I had to then attempt to coordinate fabrics, a practice in ridiculousness, since I just have no eye for such a thing. Thankfully, Joann's has decided to market to the QUILTING FOR DUMMIES crowd, of which I could be considered a periphery member. For $9.99, I was able to get five coordinating fabrics that I knew would
look good in my living room and would exude a certain retro feel in with the, I don't even know what, I was going for ... other than something funky to hang on my mantle.

Well, we've got FUNKY down pat, ladies and gentlemen!
I present,


Sunday, January 16, 2011

Organizing bug

I caught the organizing bug today. There isn't a creme or an antibiotic (please! no more antibiotics for me!) to cure this bug. The ONLY cure is to just plain organize something. And so I did ...

My living room closet now has a dedicated DECORATING STUFF section as well as just being cleaned up and organized.

And downstairs in my basement? I FINALLY put away the NINE boxes of Christmas stuff as well as organized the random nails and screws and picture hangers and what-not I've been carrying around in an old frosting container for the past 13 years.

I'm ready for a nap!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Staging a coup

Emmy is staging a coup due to the fact that she is running out of room to lounge around in the office ... what with all my crap all over the place. UGH ... I'm going to be forced to clean the hot mess out sooner rather than later, I'm afraid.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Better days ahead

Admittedly, I've been in a funk as of late. It's as if a black cloud has followed me, encasing my head in an impenetrable fog. As a result, I've been a grump and a hermit and a social reject.

However, I awoke this morning, and despite the fact that I hadn't slept the best last night, I felt ... well, RENEWED. I feel like the veil of black cloudiness has lifted. I'm ready to hit the ground running ... or at the very least, walking.

I get a three-day weekend (YAY ME!!), and I plan to make the most of it. I have a lot on my TO DO LIST, but they are needed accomplishments as well as some fun stuff too.

Hopefully, this means that my blog posts will return to their normal, witty banter ... oh, who am I kidding!? Let's just hope they return to their normal boring cadence of randomness ...

Thursday, January 13, 2011


I walked into my house last night and was met with a GIGANTIC, chaotic mess. Half-opened envelopes were spread all over my living room ... some even on the floor. Bills were in various locales ... folded clothes here and there ... jackets flung over several pieces of furniture ... dust on EVERYTHING ... dirty dishes covered my counters.

My house was in chaos.

My skin is a mess. My hair is a mess. My clothes are a mess. My body systems are off ... my back is out of whack ... my knees ache ... my head hurts....

My life is in chaos.

Chaos is reining my life, and I've been powerless to stop it ... until now. I walked into my classroom today, saw a pile on my table, and said, "ENOUGH! THIS IS GOING TO STOP!" And my classroom is the organized part of my life!

For Christmas, my friend Tabby gave me a Starbucks gift card. I plan to get something LARGE and caffeinated. Then I plan to begin the task of organizing my life ... one room ... one bill ... one piece of paper at a time!

Sunday, January 09, 2011

What is wrong with this picture

This is what I walked in on upon entering the bathroom the other day ... a cat ... stretched out on a bath mat she has claimed as hers (as is evidenced by the gray hair ALL OVER IT) ... belly facing the heating vent ... heat blowing full blast all over her.

Being thankful

I had a snarky post to write today ... all about my complete certainty that I was dying of arm pit cancer (perhaps a story for another time) ... how I was tired of the cold weather ... how life is just boring ...

Then, today, for the third time in less than three weeks, I was reminded of the of the uncertainty of life ... of its fragility ... of its temporary nature. And all that complaining and whining seemed to fall by the wayside.

Life is just to short to wallow. I fight a constant battle to be present in the moment. Time is of the essence ... it's fleeting ... gone in an instant.

So, instead, I am enjoying the gifts I've been given and will save my whining for another day.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Changing the look of things

It's become apparent that I have been in need of a change for a while... a change of perspective ... a change of pace ... a change of view.

View .... So, the first view I'm changing is my blog view!
Currently, I am sitting on the fence about the design change, but change is good. So, change it is! I'm relatively sure there will be those among my readers that will hate it. But hopefully, SOMETHING will grow on me soon.

Perspective .... I say this all the time, but I'm NOT going to let my job chew me up and spit me out this quarter. I really, really desire this to NOT be the case. However, I guarantee that once I publish these words, the craziness of the tasks I will be asked to tackle will, in fact, catch up with me, and before I know it, I will be lost in the swirl of GOTTA GET IT DONE NOW!!!! It is my desire to allow some more ME TIME to slip into my day. This is going to require me to be more productive at work and home. That, in itself, will be tantamount to an act of God. However, I believe it is possible.

Lifestyle ... I need to embrace the hard habits: eating, exercising, and time-wasting. I actually have embraced the time-wasting habit pretty well. So, I'm actually looking at BREAKING that habit. I need to make sure that every second I am awake, I am living the most out of them.

I want 2011 to look radically different than 2010. Don't get me wrong. 2010 was a year full of blessings for me ... I just desire to be present in my life this year ... something I don't think I always was in 2010.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

The need has become reality

I was out at a local eatery today, and I had to visit the little girls' room. All I did was reach over to flush the toilet ... that's it.

The end result?

I threw out my back!!

Nothing says YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, LADY! (not to mention, YOU'RE OLD!) like throwing out your back attempting to flush a toilet.

As soon as the back has healed, I'm hitting the cement and attempting to walk this weight off!

Saturday, January 01, 2011

New Year's Resolutions

I can't keep a resolution to save my life, but dag-gone if I'm going to be left behind on the Resolution Bandwagon. Rather, I've crafted some resolutions that, admittedly, are pretty lame, but that I *might* actually be able to do.

  1. Get off my butt. It's starting to look like my sofa cushion. It probably should look more like a female, human hind end.
  2. Watch less television and read more. This is left open for interpretation considering the grad school issues currently surrounding my life.
  3. Simplify my house ... read ORGANIZE into that word simplify. I may be setting myself up for disaster here.
  4. Write every day.
  5. Make more homemade dinners.
  6. Do more things ... hopefully, that don't cost a lot of money, if any at all. Read, "get out of the house once and a while and see stuff."
  7. Save more money. Spend less on groceries and clothes so that I have more money to save and use to see stuff.
  8. Simplify my life ... less stress, more fun.
  9. Some how get more exposure for this blog.
  10. Entertain more.
Perhaps I need to print these off and post them some where visible ... to remind me of the uphill battle for Year 2011.