Sunday, February 26, 2006

ASSAULTS TO MY "annoyed" NERVE ON AN OTHERWISE BRILLIANT SUNDAY

Assault #1 ... the man that chose to finish dressing in the public park this morning while the rest of us drove by, aghast! Seriously, did you not realize you forgot to put your pants on when you walked out the door this morning?

Assault #2 ... the owners of the black cat I almost ran over! What is so hard about making sure your animals have a safe place to live? Even my cat lives indoors, and she doesn't like me! If you can't treat your animals decently, don't own them!

Assault #3 ... my two beasts, Sadie the Dog and Maddie the Cat, who are both under the false impression that the papisan chair I got for my birthday is theirs. IT'S NOT -- GET YOUR FURRY HIND-ENDS OUT OF IT!!!!!!!

Assault #4 ... to the teenage somethings that came to the same coffeeshop I was in this morning. Apparently, they thought it would be perfectly acceptable to roll out of bed sans shower and come into the coffee shop for a shot of java. Ummm ... yuck! I realize it's the weekend and folks like to take a break from life, but showers should never be put on the HOLD list. The only exceptions to this rule would be ... ummm ... soldiers, for instance! They are sort of busy doing other things like fighting for freedom and stuff. All the rest of us, SHOWER!!!!

Assault #5 ... the young couple speeding down the road and KISSING. Beyond the "yuck factor" of seeing the female part of the couple contorted so as to get the best angle for her tongue, it's just plain dangerous to the rest of us trying to get home safely! Save it for the privacy of your own home, thank you!

Assault #6 ... the idiot who delivers the freebie paper to my house. I'm not sure I can actually call it "delivering" when the paper is not in my yard ... not even close!

Friday, February 24, 2006

LEAVING THE SCENE OF THE CRIME


One of Sadie's favorite things to do is chew Kleenex up into teeny, tiny pieces. I discovered her in my parents' office one day (while we were visiting), quietly going to town on a wad. She was all about the tail wagging ... until I got out the dig. camera to record the infraction. Then she high-tailed it out of there!

SMUDGE PLAYS RUMMY


This is Smudge -- one of my parents' cats. He, apparently, can play cards!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY HEAD

A sane person doesn't do the things I do ... they couldn't possibly!

For instance #1 ... who cleans their house BEFORE they go on vacation on the off chance that they die in a firey crash and someone must go into the house and get important documents and information, sees the disorganization and wonders at kind of person the firey crash victim really was?

For instance #2 ... who goes to a funeral/wake/visitation, sees a good-looking guy and thinks to themselves, "hmmm ... he's cute ... wonder if he's married" (yes, I did this just today ... so sorry D. I really was there for you -- I love ya, girl!). Who does that?

For instance #3 ... who moves unrecognizable frozen food items to four different houses over the course of 9 years? At least I think they are food items ... the lines blur after 9 years.

For instance #4 ... who saves toilet paper rolls in a giant plastic bag on the off chance that said paper rolls MIGHT come in handy some day for a art/craft project at school? Seriously! What is wrong with the head of that person?

Holy crap! I'm a freakin' side show!!! Which has me wondering ... I think I might have solved all my unemployment problems ... as long as I charge $0.50 per viewing ...

SHE'S SMOKIN'

A couple of months back, I had a conversation with my best friend, T. He was regailing me with yet another story of him meeting a "smokin' chick." His comment: "She was smokin'."

"What is that?" I say in frustration.

"What's what?" T is clearly puzzled.

"What does 'she's smokin' ' mean?"

"Duh, Meg, she's a hottie!"

"Yeah, but how does one become smokin'?"

"Doing research, are ya?"

"Dude, don't go there with me."

Laughter ensues ...

So, I'm sitting here thinking ... would I be someone that would be "smokin'?" My answer? Ummm ... NO!

Here's what I think would be said instead ....

She's ________
... a freakin' riot
... a freakin' freak show
... PMSing.
... gonna blow!!!! Stand back!
... still without a job? Dude! What's up with that?
... retaining water.
... a loyal friend.
... a laugh a minute.
... going to be famous one day.
... all about the boys.
... a blogaholic.

All the above fit. She's smokin'? Hmmm ... doesn't sound right, does it?

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

THINGS THAT BUG ME

  1. The hairdo's on LOST. I don't watch the show, but on every ad I see on tv and magazines, their hair never changes. They're stranded on an island, right? Shouldn't their hair be longer???? And greasier??? And stringier???? Something's not right with that picture.
  2. Grocery store aisle hogs. Please stop stopping in the middle of every aisle!!!! Some of us want to get in, get out, so no one gets hurt.
  3. Commentators for Olympic ice skating. Are we all that dumb? "Uh-oh, Bob, Ulla just stumbled; that'll cost her 0.348298323 of a point!" Honestly, if they've gotten to the Olympics, we figure that stumbles are no-no's and will cost them something. Give us some credit here!
  4. People who chew tobacco and then spit it in a clear, plastic bottle on a plane. It's a bad habit, and I do recognize it's an addiction. Honestly, though, no one wants to watch you spit nasty ick into a clear bottle when they have no way of escape!
  5. Whiny butt athletes. Come on. Do you not remember the POOR SPORT lectures in gym class? Get a grip.
  6. Hypocritical police officers ... you know the ones. They nail you for speeding, treat you like you've just committed mass murder, then, in their own civilian cars, drive 75 miles an hour down a street posted at 25, never using one turn signal.
  7. Katie Couric ... this woman just makes my skin crawl. She thinks she's being sweet, America's Girl Next Door, but her comments are really just biting and mean.
  8. Crickets in the basement during a Michigan fall. Things that bug me even more than that? Finding all their dead bodies in the basement during a Michigan winter.
  9. Speaking of Michigan winters ... MICHIGAN WINTERS! Brrrrr!
  10. People that REFUSE to cover their mouths when they sneeze. No one wants to walk into your germy fog of snotty water droplets. Yuck!

STOP THE PRESSES

Yes, you "heard" me correctly. I said STOP THE PRESSES.

I AM A GRACE KELLY!

Yes, again, nothing wrong with your hearing; I am a Grace Kelly.

I know this because I just finished taking a quiz to determine my dating personality, and this quiz is based on highly scientific research [Editor's note: emphasis indicates my highly sarcastic tone] -- well, at least that's what the email said.

You see, all I needed to do was take a 10 question quiz in order to determine which movie star I was most like. The answer, of course, was Grace Kelly. This is why:

"You are GRACE KELLY: You are a lover. Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy yourself. You are serious about all commitments and are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a Birthday. Don't let your passion for romance get confused with the real thing."

You know, there may be something to this.

**I don't know about romance and flowers, but there are days that wine is definitely all I need! I will say, though, that receiving flowers is definitely a Good Thing (thanks, Martha!). Makes a girl's heart go pitter-pat.

**I am very serious about my commitments (especially the one I'm thinking about making to my local sanitarium), and I do love my family.

**Sadly, I do call my mother more than just Sunday, much to her irratation (I just hate to have her miss out on all the exciting details wrapped up in the minutae of my day).

**These days, I do forget more birthdays than I remember, but I at least have them logged dutifully in BirthdayAlarm.com ... so I get points for effort at least, right?

**The most eerie coincidence is the last line: "Don't let your passion for romance get confused with the real thing." If I had a $100 for everytime I should have reminded myself of that one, I would be one rich woman!

Well, so here I sit, a Grace Kelly! I suppose I should be beating them [Editor's note: them being men] all off with a stick.

Apparently, THAT only works when you LOOK like Grace Kelly!

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

NICE SURPRISE

Well, arranged for me on MY day ... clear, blue skies and lots of sun!!!! Now, that's what I'm talking about!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME ...

In honor of my birthday ... 34 things about me:

1. I wear my heart on my sleeve.
2. I am obsessed with coffee.
3. I could probably talk to a wall and get a response.
4. When I was 17, I "ran" from the cops so as not to get a ticket (there's a story behind this one, and you're just going to have to ask ... not as bad as it sounds though).
5. I had the chicken pox in kindergarten.
6. I was the queen of writing sentences in fifth grade. Spent more time inside writing sentences than there were recesses.
7. At seven years old, I had emergency surgery ... on vacation, no less!
8. I am obsessed with cool coffeehouses.
9. I LOVE to sing in the shower.
10. I hate to mow the lawn and rake leaves.
11. I cry at parades.
12. I cried uncontrollably when I watched OF MICE AND MEN.
13. In fourth grade, I nailed Allen L. in the eye ... pretty good right hook for a girl.
14. My best friend is a boy! Ewww! :)
15. I am obsessed with country music.
16. After watching BJ AND THE BEAR, I wanted to be a truck driver when I grew up.
17. I was a tom boy.
18. I had imaginary children when I was little.
19. I still have my "blankie." (It, literally, falls apart when you breath on it, so it lives in plastic in my linen closet.)
20. I wanted to marry Bo and Luke Duke and move to Hazard County.
21. I can't stand the taste of mushrooms.
22. I went t-p'ing for the first time when I was in college.
23. I think kissing with garlic breath really isn't all that bad.
24. I would adopt the world's stray pet population if I had the room.
25. My 25th birthday was a hard one for me.
26. I took my first plane trip when I was 26.
27. If I could get away with it, I would travel the NASCAR circuit in a beat-up RV, wearing a pair of cut-offs, an American flag bikini top, and cowboy boots and acting like a total red-neck. :)
28. I want to go to Italy one day! Tuscany, Positano, Venice, tour the coast ... tour the vineyards, learn to cook Tuscan-style ... ahh!
29. I would love to paint a masterpiece.
30. I thought about joining the marines.
31. I found my first (of many) gray hair at 31.
32. My favorite flowers are white tulips and daisies.
33. I have a recurring dream of marrying a faceless man.
34. I want to write the great American novel.

Monday, February 20, 2006

WARNING LABEL

I have decided that I should come with a warning label. It would read something like this:

WARNING: This individual spends too much time analyzing EVERYTHING. Will read too much into anything told to her. Has tendency to self-implode when senses are on overload. Heart is VERY fragile -- HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE. Will care too deeply for a myriad of people and issues.

Warning labels were created out of necessity, after all. Too many people suing the pants off of too many other people ... all because someone was just too stupid to know better. So, to cover the collective legally vulnerable butt, the warning label was born.

The more I think about this, the better I think the idea is! In fact, I think my warning label should work much like a chamelion's skin works or, say, a mood ring. This way, there is never any question in anyone's mind about what I'm feeling or dealing with ... all one needs to do is look at my label blazing on my forehead!

WARNING: Contents under extreme pressure. Keep away from open flame. Do not expose to sudden temperature changes.

Or what about ... WARNING: Due to certain atmospheric, physiological, psychological (other -cologicals) changes to system, this individual is not approaching life any where close to center. Handle with EXTREME caution. Don't get too close -- establishment can not be held reponsible for what could be done to you.

Quite possibly ...

WARNING: Due to unforseen issues, this individual just will not be dealing with you at all today. Please come back another day, when said individual has found her patience.

Or if that one doesn't work, what about ...

WARNING: Dazed and confused. Can not be held responsible for any decisions made in current fugue.

The possibilities are endless, don't you see? Yes! I do believe I should come with a warning label!

Sunday, February 19, 2006

SISTERLY LOVE

My sister is very sensitive to smells. Scene set up ... sitting in her car after a day of shopping. I've just opened a bottle of Grapefruit Burst Flavored water.

Sister: I smell cat pee.
Me: It's not me.
Sister: I didn't say it was you.
Me: [sipping more beverage]
Sister: I smell cat pee! Man! Can't you smell it?
Me: It's not me.
Sister: [now annoyed] I didn't say it was you.
Me: [taking another sip]
Sister: It's cat pee! I can smell it.
Me: It's not me.
Sister: STOP SAYING THAT!!!
Me: [taking another sip of beverage]
Sister: It's your drink! You're drink smells like cat pee!
Me: [heavy sigh]
===========================================================
Sitting in my sister's car trying to figure how we both spent so much money on groceries.

Sister: Well, I know what sent me over the edge. My vitamins.
Me: [Reviewing my grocery list] $64! What did I buy!?
Sister: Yep, those vitamins ... but they'll last a while.
Me: Hairy Gimp!? What the heck is hair gimp?
Sister: [Chuckles softly at me]
Me: I did not buy hairy gimp!
Sister: [Still laughing]
=============================================================
Sitting in a bookstore/coffeehouse one recent Friday night, listening to a jazzy/bluesy trio just kick butt all over the place.

Me: [sipping spiced chai, totally wrapped up in the music]
Sister: I smell feet.
Me: [rolling eyes at my sister]
Sister: I'm serious. I think they're yours.
Me: They are not my feet.
Sister: You're boots ... those things need to be sprayed.
Me: They are not my feet.
Sister: I'm telling you. I smell feet!
Me: Maybe they are your feet you smell.
Sister: [rolling her eyes] Highly doubt it.
Me: [through clenched teeth] My feet don't stink!
Sister: I smell feet.
Me: [thinking to myself] We're in a room full of people, I don't doubt you do!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

SHADOWS OF THE PAST

Ghosts float around me today ... resurrected from what turns out to be a pretty shallow grave. I say good bye to the essence of things dreamed and hopes birthed. It's hard to let go of those precious hopes and desires held so dear, so close. I mourn their passing ...

The spirits of those dreams swirl around me in ethereal dance, and I must bid them good bye. I accept them for what they are ... intangible fantasy ... not gritty reality.

Am I throwing up my hands in a sense of surrender? No. Certainly, I dream and hope like anyone, and I understand that with hard work, dreams do become reality. However, it's when we accept which day-dreams are feasible and which are given life only in a dimension opposite of true life, that we can deal with the ache of a heart broken.

God reveals life in bits and snatches ... is it so we can savor each bite? Or is it because, if He didn't, we would be unable to handle the sensory overload? I can't answer those questions.

Whatever the reason, we spend too much time trying to understand the actions of others, and, in doing that, we miss the blessings of the moment. We miss it because we become consumed with analyzing the "why" of the situation?

So I live with the understanding of ghosts milling about the debris of my life, but I can no longer live among them ... they're shadows of a past.

Friday, February 17, 2006

34 YEARS ON THIS EARTH

Next Tuesday, I will celebrate my 34th year on this earth. I don't say this to shamelessly solicit birthday greetings. I do mention it, though, to point out some very interesting historical facts that just happen to fall on my day:

-- 1777 During the Revolutionary War, George Weedon is promoted to brigadier general
-- 1820 Senate passes Missouri Compromise
-- 1862 During the Civil War, the Battle of Val Verde took place
-- 1885 Washington Monument dedicated
-- 1927 Erma Bombeck is born (the great ones are always born on the same day, right? :) ...)
-- 1948 NASCAR was incorporated (WAHOO!!)
-- 1965 Malcolm X assassinated
-- 1972 Richard Nixon becomes the first US President to visit China

In 1972, the Vietnam War waged on ... Watergate exploded ... the first scientific hand-held calculator was introduced ... GODFATHER is the top grossing movie of the year ... "You've Got a Friend" by Carole King wins a Grammy for song of the year ... THE PRICE IS RIGHT debuts on tv ... President Nixon approves NASA's space shuttle, a reusable spacecraft, at a cost of $5.5 billion ... Oakland Athletics win the World Series ... Dallas Cowboys win Superbowl VI ... Boston Bruins win the Stanley Cup ... Black September invades Olympic Village and kills 11 Israeli athletes at the Munich Games ... M*A*S*H* debuts on tv ... women were allowed to compete in the Boston Marathon for the first time ... Atari is founded ... Hurricane Agnes hits the east coast ...

It was a busy year, and I'm struck by the fact that a whole heck of a lot has changed. Reminds me of the old song, TIMES, THEY ARE A CHANGIN' ...

Factoids retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1972#February

IF I RAN THE WORLD ...

A friend and I were talking today ... mulling over things in our collective lives that just didn't make any sense to us ... things that bug us ...

My friend said to me, "You know, Meg. If we ran the world, this wouldn't be an issue. Things would be different."

She's right! Because if I ran the world:

1. Coffee ice cream would be the national flavor of ice cream.
2. There would never be a child that felt disvalued, neglected or unloved.
3. Coffee would be the national drink.
4. Judgement based on surface characteristics would be outlawed (okay, yes, I need some work myself in this area, but cut me some slack. I'm running the world.).
5. The suffering of loved ones would no longer be a life variable.
6. Women would have a road map to men's heads (I, personally, am tired of trying to figure them all out).
7. Girls would grow up loving themselves for themselves not because of some baseless materialism some random person created.
8. Chocolate would be a legal medicine that would heal cancer.
9. There would be no such thing at cancer.
10. The world would learn to play together nicely in the collective sand box.
11. Selfishness would be removed from all human language.
12. Death would come peacefully after a life well-lived.
13. Heartbreak would be a thing of the past.
14. Dust would get rid of itself.
15. There would be dinner fairies.
16. There would be laundry fairies.
17. You could earn a living being a "forever student."

If I ran the world ...

Thursday, February 16, 2006

RUMINATING AND COGITATING

I had someone ask me recently, so how are you doing? Do you want to talk about it?

(IT, in case you weren't aware, is unemployment, insane job possibilities gone really wrong, relational train wrecks, you know ... LIFE).

My reply was, "I'm soooo sick of myself."

My friend laughed. "Well, I guess that means no, you don't want to talk about IT. Next topic."

I was reminded of that conversation today -- and at my weariness of myself -- while listening to a song. I include the lyrics below:

WORD OF GOD SPEAK (sung by MercyMe)
I'm finding myself at a loss for words/And the funny thing is it's okay/The last thing I need is to be heard/But to hear what You would say


[CHORUS]Word of God speak/Would You pour down like rain/Washing my eyes to see/Your majesty/To be still and know/That You're in this place/Please let me stay and rest/In Your holiness /Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You/Beyond the music, beyond the noise/All that I need is to be with You/And in the quiet hear Your voice

I'm finding myself at a loss for words/And the funny thing is it's okay

Wow, those words resonate in my very being.

My sister claims I'm one of only a few people that could clap-trap (her words) and really never say anything. I'm not sure that's entirely true, but I will agree with her in that I have A LOT to say. The thing is I never seem to take a breath ... or at least on very rare occasions do I breathe.

Yet, I'm very quick to complain when I just don't hear God speaking. Dude! Do you blame Him for not being able to? I'm talking over Him, apparently.

My mind wanders to the great examples in history like the Apostle Paul. That guy was on fire! He had a passion for seeing the church grow. I'm guessing in his private moments he dreamt of a great revival ...

I ask myself ... was Paul a clap-trap? Did he talk over God?

In the quiet of this place, I need to just sit and be in the presence of the Great One. I need to bask in His goodness. I need to revel in the fact that through the burning debris that is my life, I'm abundantly blessed. Beyond the music, beyond the noise, I need to recognize the love that surrounds me ... the moments of peace that invade my spirit when the world is crashing down around me. The sweet moments of surprise that He manages to slip into days of muck and mud.
The last thing that needs to happen is for me to be heard. Rather, I need to be ready to hear ... Word of God Speak ...

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Tonight a very good friend took me to dinner. She and I hadn't really talked since June. This was awesome GIRL TIME, and BOY did we ever have a lot to catch up on!

During the course of dinner, we heard the faint sounds of a cell phone ringing. Immediately, we both brought our purses to our ears ... this is what technology has brought us to ... all of us, collectively, listening to our purses!!!
======================================

What a seventeen year old male said to me recently at a job interview -- in his best Joey from FRIENDS voice: "Whatsup, Megan?"
What I wanted to reply: "My age and my patience with you."
(I know, I know, I should be flattered)
=====================================

What a girl said (at the same interview) when asked why she wanted to work at the store: "Because this store is my most favoritest."
What I wanted to say to her, but didn't: "Seriously?! You didn't just say MOST FAVORITEST?!
======================================

What the aforementioned girl said when she was asked what her feelings were on credit solicitation: "I'm so confused. Could you explain to me ... what you just said?"
The same girl's reply after the store manager put it in more simple terms: "OOOOOHHHHH! I get it now. You used such big words -- it confused me."
What I was thinking: "Please help me, God! I think I'm in hell!"
======================================

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO "HMMM..."

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

VALENTINES DAY PONDERINGS

I made a tactical error today.

It all started so innocently. I needed green leaf lettuce. Nothing too complicated, I think to myself. I will go in, get it, get out ... no one will get hurt.

Error in judgment. Failed to consult calendar first.

Valentines Day! Never go into a produce market, especially one that sells fresh flowers, no less, on Valentines Day. It's dangerous, I tell you, dangerous.

Getting to the produce was not the problem. In fact, you could launch a rocket through the produce department and nary an injury would occur. No, the problem becomes navigating from the produce department, through the throngs of frantic men grabbing aimlessly at flowers, and getting into an already-packed check out line.

I felt a bit out of place holding my bag of green leaf lettuce in amongst the spider mums, tulips, and the sprays and sprays of roses.

Feeling more and more like a fish out of water, I get the grand idea that if I flip my bunch of green leaf lettuce upside down, in bouquet fashion, I might fit in better.

The sixteen year old behind me, buying a giant floral sculpture of roses in every color, snickered at me. So, I flipped it back over and stood quietly in line, whistling a little tune, hoping to deflect the stares.

What a sweet scene, though ... as I stood there, I watched a little, elderly man, shuffle carefully over to a register with the most precious floral arrangement you could imagine. I pictured his wife of 60 some years, being so surprised at the gesture ... it made me miss my grandma.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

HERE'S A THOUGHT ...

A friend sent me some "things to think about" via email. I thought I would save them and pepper them into my blog. So, here's my first HERE'S A THOUGHT.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

SECOND GRADE QUOTES

I subbed in a second grade room today. Here's what I heard...

** Names were changed to protect the innocent**

Allie: "I offered Ryan at least half of my lunch."
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Ryan had an absolute meltdown lining up for lunch when he discovered his mom packed "nothing I LIKE!!!!")
Me: "Well, that was really nice of you, Allie"
Allie: "Wanna know what he said to me?"
Me: "What?"
Allie: "He said, "no thanks." And he was actually pleasant when he said it!"
(DIRECT QUOTE, I SWEAR!)
=====================
Sean: "Ryan just called me a weirdo."
Ryan: "I DID NOT!!!!!"
Me: "Ryan, did you call Sean a weirdo?"
Sean: "Yes, you did!"
Ryan: "Shut up, weirdo! I didn't call you weirdo!"
=====================
Me (after Sean was returned from the principal's office for fighting during lunch recess): "Sean, what did Mr. Klein say the consequence was for the fight."
Sean: Um, well, I have to miss recess tomorrow and Friday."
Me: "What did Mr. Klein say about this afternoon's recess?"
Sean: "Oh! I can have that one."
Me: "Do you think you deserve it?"
Sean: "Well, if Mr. Klein didn't want me to have a recess today, I'm certain he would have told me."
Me: "Well, if he felt you deserved to have your recesses taken away for the next two days, I think you should sit this afternoon's out, too."
Sean: "He said it was okay."
Me: "Sean, no recess.'
Sean: "But ..."
(This exchange two more times)
Me: "Sean, I'm not going to argue with you about this."
Sean: "But only I was going to suggest what I could do while staying in."
===================

Monday, February 06, 2006

PAINT CHIPS, BACK ACHES, AND MIND-BOGGLING UGLINESS

I finally scrubbed the walls in my guest bathroom last week ... having ripped down some old wallpaper this past summer. Now, the real work begins. At some point in the 50s or 60s, someone (who really should have been shot) thought it would be peachy-keen to mix a pink tile surround, with a turquoise toilet, turquoise sink and various shades of pink ceramic tile. Well, I'm here to tell you that it's an assualt to the creative system!

I watch Nate Berkus on Oprah with awe. He makes it look so easy. He can waltz in, wave his magic decorator's wand, and all ugliness disappears. In it's place is a bathroom that I immediately want to move into and never leave.

So, I walk into Lowe's with a bit of excitement at the idea of finally toning down the HIDEOUS that permeates my guest bathroom. Then I look at the paint chip choices that are available to someone with a pink/turquoise combo in such a compact space, and my little creative high is deflated. All the paint chips that look like they might work are in the UGLY rows -- you know the ones. Those rows waaaaay up high on the paint chip display ... those colors you see in homes for sale that are 40 years overdue for a major home makeover!

As I move to reach for the UGLY chips, my lower back, which I've managed to reinjure (almost a year to the day I injured it last go-around) screams out in pain. Yeah, I think it has less to do with the injury and more to do with the fact that even my lower back recognizes the paint dilemma I am in.

I pick up as many paint samples as I can find, stuff them in my purse, and make my way home. Once home, I get tape and begin to tape every last one of the chips on my bathroom wall. I'm sure Nate NEVER does this. I'm sure the color speaks to him from the cracks and crevices of the walls, whispering sweetly its quaint name ... a name like WHIRLWIND, CORAL COCKLESHELLS, HUSHED ORCHIDS, YELLOW BLOSSOMS, or SUNDAY FLOWERS (all choices you can obtain via Dutch Boy Paints, by the way) ...

Nothing whispers to me when I walk into that pitiful little room. Wait! I think I hear an ever-so faint squeak ... just a second. I'm training my ear, listening carefully ... yes, I do hear something ... it's my walls, and they are moaning, "Help us! Release us from this mind-boggling ugliness!"

Friday, February 03, 2006

AN EARLY BIRTHDAY GIFT

Said by a clerk at a local store as she watches me write my check: "Ummm ... are you an Albion College student?"

Said by me with a BIG grin on my face: "No. But GOD BLESS YOU for thinking I am!"

RANDOM STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS ON A RAINY FRIDAY

So, it's a dreary, gray, rainy Friday, and I have a bunch of random thoughts popping in and out of my head. I thought I would share the wealth!

1. Why does broccoli make you burp? Every single time ... with out fail ... whenever I eat broccoli, it makes me burp. Why, I ask?

2. I attended my great, great-aunt Alice's memorial service today. She had just turned 99 a few days before her death! can yo ubelieve it? It was more of a celebration of a long life lived than a sad event. At any rate, longevity runs long in my family -- pardon the pun. This makes me wonder ... I turn 34 in a few short weeks. Life sure ain't what I thought it would be when I envisioned 34. Of course, I never really envisioned 34. What if I actually made it to 99? According to my rudimentary calculations, it will be the year 2071 by the time I turn 99!

3. Why does it feel so good to sneeze?

4. Perception. I had a conversation with a friend recently, and the question of perception came into play. Perception, by definition, means "recognition and interpretation of sensory stimuli based chiefly on memory." Well, we know that memory is stunted by our life "baggage." So, why do we put so much emphasis on perception if, by definition, it's a faulty tool? Why do we judge others on perception? Why do we assume perception to be absolute truth?

5. Why is it impossible to eat just one Pringle?

6. "Why do birds suddenly appear, Every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be ... Close to you ... " Oops, sorry, I digress ... sad that I digressed to the Carpentars. That brings me to another question ...

7. What made me think of the Carpentars?

8. Why doesn't the sun like Michigan in January and February?