Tuesday, April 25, 2006

KEEN OBSERVATIONS ON A CHILLY TUESDAY

Observation #1 ...
I saw a former student of mine (one of my FAVORITE former students) at the public library today. I waved at him, and he looked at me funny. I walked over to him said, warmly, "hey there!"

He looked for an exit.

"You don't remember me, do you?" My heart sank.

He shook his head warily, still looking for that dog-gone exit.

"Who was your third grade teacher?"

"Miss Murray ..." he replied, with a look that said, "but you don't look a thing like her ... she was cool!"

"I'm Miss Murray!"

"HI!" still not convinced.

Have I changed that much?
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Observation #2 ...
Cat doors sometimes do have teeth, and, if you're not careful, they will try to eat you alive as you are trying to come up from the basement. That's okay. You just turn your furry little butt around and give it your death stare. You know that if you could talk, you would curse it like a drunken sailor!
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Observation #3 ...
Great-looking guys do show up in the produce section of your local grocery story, just like in the movies! They just don't talk to me!
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Observation #4 ...
When American Idol is on, we all think we can sing. Come on ... you know it's true! :)

Monday, April 24, 2006

WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN TRYING TO IMPRESS THE CUTE GYM TEACHER

... play up the dumb blonde role.

Case in point:

I took my kids down to the gymnasium for gym, of course. Cute Gym Teacher was not there. My kids are good (most days), so they dutifully took their seats on the floor, and we waited.

Cute Gym Teacher walked in and announced louldy, "Gym has been cancelled!"

Missing the twinkle in his great-looking eyes, I niavely replied, "Seriously!?"

With a look that was a mixture of amusement and "geez-if-she-were-any-dumber-she'd-be-dead," he responded, "Ummm ... no!"

Oh yeah, I made an impression all right!

Score?
Cute Gym Teacher: 50
Dowdy First Grade Teacher: -152,000

Sunday, April 23, 2006

GOTTA LOVE THAT!

Friday morning, I woke up with a sore throat. By the time I got to work, I knew I was sick. Sneezing non-stop, eyes running and bloodshot, nose running, snot coming from every orfice, and crabbier than an old Grizzly bear.

The kids were awful, too. It was like they knew I was crabby and unable to deal with them in a sane manner. Nick (name changed) had been trying my patience all day long, and so when he shot his hand up during Science to share a comment ("I have a comment, Miss Murray! I have a comment!"), I just couldn't deal any longer.

"Nick, what!?" I said, rather exasperated.

With a grin spreading from ear to ear, he said to me, "You awe vewy beautiful."

My heart melted! Even at my worst, this little guy thought I was very beautiful.

Now, why can't the "big boys" think the same thing?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

THEY ARE ALL CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH ... Part 2

A scene at afternoon recess. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Mia: "Hey, Max, Ali ... let's pick dandelions!"

Max and Ali (both boys frowning at the same time ... heavy sighs all around ...) "All right."

Dejected, the boys followed a skipping Mia toward the dandelions

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

THEY ARE ALL CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH

On my drive to work this morning, I observed ten wild turkeys in a field: 3 boy turkeys and 7 girl turkeys. How could I tell them apart?

The boy turkeys were standing around, chests puffed out two sizes bigger than normal, tail feathers full and blowing in the breeze, and using every ounce of the jackass gene bestowed upon them.

The girl turkeys, however, could have cared less! They wandered in small groups eating and gossiping about the chunky girl turkey across the road ... "she's retaining water, don't you think?"

Sunday, April 16, 2006

SNIPPETS FROM AN EASTER AFTER-DINNER CONVERSATION

Scene set up ... Easter Sunday in my parents' living room

Sister: I smell bad B.O.
Me: It's not me!
Sister: DID I SAY IT WAS YOU?
Mom: It's probably that sofa.
Sister: You can't smell it?
Dad: I think it's those plants.
Me: giggling hysterically
Sister: I never said it was you.
Dad: Those plants give off a b.o. smell every once in a while when the wind blows.
Mom: My hyacinths I bought yesterday are blooming.
Sister: How does the wind blow? We're in the house.
Me: Still gigging ... wind blowing!
Sister: How does that work, wind blowing in here?
Dad: I'm just saying that it happens sometimes.
Sister: It's like that Amish guy I smelled the other day is right behind me!
Me: more giggling ...

WITHOUT RESERVATIONS by Alice Steinbach

I highly recommend this book ... especially if you want to be whisked away to Europe for an afternoon! Ms. Steinbach writes about her time abroad, after deciding she needed a break from her life in the states. It is a captivating read, one that makes you think you are walking the streets of Paris or Oxford with her!!! PICK IT UP TODAY!!!!

Friday, April 14, 2006

SWEET MEMORIES ...

Sharing a movie with a good friend ...
Memories flooding back of college and all of our movie nights ...
Remembering, again, why we're such good friends ...
Sweet memories ... delicious future ...

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

IT'S INEVITABLE ... YOU WILL SEE SOMEONE YOU KNOW

I ended up with the stomach flu early this morning, and I'm just now feeling "normal." A little bit ago, I decided to run out to a nearby gas station to pick up a 2 liter of coke. I went out with my hair tied up percariously, not a stitch of make-up, and this get-up on that made me look like I'd been on a three-day drinking binge.

"I don't care what I look like," I thought. "I had my head stuck in the toilet just twelve hours before, plus, who am I going to see?"

Hmmm ... well, I see one of my former students as I get out of my truck ...
He looks at me like he knows me, puts his hand in the air, takes stock of my appearance, and then says, with a frightened expression on his face, "Hi ..." in an almost whisper. His dad is a school board member, and of course, he was with him.

Oh yeah! I'm sure they think I've hit the bottle pretty hard!

Monday, April 10, 2006

HEAVEN HELP ME!

Pray for me ... tomorrow is moving day. 16 first graders and a brand new classroom ... and they are all soooo excited to "help" with the move.

Someone please pass the 2x4 so I may commence smashing my forehead with it!!!

GENE POOL

I've come to realize something in my adult life ... the males of our species are born with a jackass gene. Sadly, it seems to affect all males. For many, the rudimentary building blocks of this gene replicate in unearthly numbers creating a crisis of pandemic proportions. If we're lucky, the females in our species only encounter the effects of this gene in short spurts randomly throughout a life time. Sadder still, many of us are bombarded with the aftermath of the gene on a repeatedly consistent basis.

I have no patience nor tolerance for the aforementioned gene. Therefore, when I rule the world, I'm afraid I will be forced to outlaw men.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

I WONDER ...

...why those that think they are the most thoughtful are always the ones that are the cruelest?

WHY IS IT?

Why is it that the idiots of the world unite on windy days and start burning leaves thus setting off a chain of events that require the professionals to come and put out the raging flames?

Oh yeah, I think I answered my own question when I used the word IDIOTS!

Friday, April 07, 2006

WHAT A MAN!

It's a special kind of man that can wear sequins on his 'bounce a quarter off them jeans', and I gotta tell ya ... Tim McGraw is that man!

MY PRINCE CHARMING(S)

About four years ago (in a house in which I no longer live), I walked out to my detached garage to put some recycling in my recycling bins. It was about 10:30 p.m. on a warm, September evening. I disposed of the recycling and went to shut the side door on my garage. It wouldn't shut. I slammed that stupid thing three times before I decided to look down. A poor little frog had hopped into the space between the door and the door jam, and I had just rendered it paralyzed as I repeatedly slammed its head in the door! I was traumatized -- had to have a friend's husband come over (in his pj's) to dispose of the little guy.

I told the story the next day at school. One of my teacher buddies said, "Oh my gosh, Megan! What if that was your prince charming? You just murdered him viciously!" Then she laughed ... out loud ... wickedly!

Fast forward to yesterday ... a beautiful, warm spring day ... at a different address. I was raking out my flower beds and manage to brain a poor toad almost to death with my rake.

When will these prince charmings get the clue? That being that I'm absolutely clueless. It's going to take more than just hopping after me and hoping I will notice. Shoot! I might step on you!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

TEACHING AN OLD CAT NEW TRICKS

My dad installed a "kitty door" in my basement door yesterday.

Have you ever tried to shove a screaming, clawing, nasty cat through a small cat door?

It typically results in bloody scratches all over the shover's hands!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

SPRING, GLORIOUS SPRING!!!

Happy crocus ... delicate purple and white violets ... daffodils on the verge of bursting forth with sunshine yellow ... bright blue stars peeking out from under dried leaves ... signs of spring all around me ...

Saturday, April 01, 2006