Monday, May 30, 2011
If I was going to Mammoth Cave, I wasn't going to leave without visiting the TACKIEST tourist trap I could find. BIG MIKE'S didn't disappoint.
I would like to point out that no rocks that can be found to purchase at BIG MIKE'S were discovered in the depths of my travels through the Mammoth Cave system. Must have been in the Las Vegas Cave system that these were found, I guess.
I would also like to point out tacky items were purchased at BIG MIKE'S ... for my sister, Ann. She's going to LOVE it!
No matter where I've found her, though, this is the pose she's had ... and she's moaned a little for effect each and every time.
And this is what it looked like in the cave with the lights off ...
Friday, May 27, 2011
- 2 cans of Red Bull
- 1 pack of Excedrin
- 1 pack of gum
- 1 small roll of Tums
He smelled like a stale cigarettes and dive bar, and he looked like he'd slept in his clothes -- his hair a salt and pepper, matted jumble of greasy morning-after locks. He can't afford to call in sick ONE MORE DAY -- what with the giant child support check he's got to write this weekend. So, he's self-medicating his way through the morning, and MAN! Does the Circle K clerk have to talk so loud? It hurts to even smile as she wishes him a good morning, in an annoyingly sing-songy way.
Which makes me wonder ... what does the rest of the world think when they see MY purchases:
- A bottle of Fuji water
- A 24 oz. cup of Almond Amaretto coffee
- A Zone bar
- A banana
She left a trailing scent of floral sweetness as her perfume wafted through the door. She looked put together: pressed khakis, crisp white tee shirt, navy blue jacket, sandals that allowed her perfectly manicured toe nails peek out, all pink and shiny. She stood quietly in line, waiting, unsmiling, her arms full of water and banana and Zone bar and coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. So unapproachable ... too put-together to be human. She even eats like she's perfect. And then, on closer inspection, visible clumps of cat hair cover those crisply pressed khakis ... and her jacket ... and her hair is sticking up in unruly, spikes, randomly. She's carrying extra weight too ... more than she should. Hmmmm... perhaps there is a hint of humanity there, under that untouchable exterior ...
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
... from a fourth grader.
They are 10 years old, fourth graders are -- just in case you needed a little perspective.
Therefore, you can see where receiving dating advice from a fourth grader might be, how shall I put this delicately?
ONE OF THE CRAZIEST THINGS YOU'VE EVER HEARD!
The fourth grader told me I needed to date more men. I mean, after all, she'd "gone with" 100 since first grade.
If I could find 100 men that were actually decent .... and had a job .... and their own teeth .... and most of their own hair .... and didn't have a wheel barrow full of trouble that they drug behind them .... and had a plan ....
Well, wouldn't that be nice?
Monday, May 23, 2011
This is what my room looks like after they leave ... after I've hounded them to pick all the nonsense up off the floor " 'cuz Mr. Murphy is not paid to pick up after us, nor am I!"
This is what the TEACHER ZONE looks like ALL the time. It's bad, I know. Somewhere in Michigan, my mother is horrified.
This explains why I immediately turn Pandora on to a soothing station and curl up in the fetal position underneath my work station, right?
I saw a GIGANTIC houseboat being towed by a tow truck yesterday. At the helm of the boat? Two rocket scientists ... their hair blowing in the breeze. Must be they were simulating being on the high seas?
I don't know. Call me crazy, but I'm relatively sure those two idiots are why I have 15 stickers on the new ladder I just bought ... warning me against all the bone-headed moves I might consider should I consume enough alcohol ... or am just plain that dumb.
Friday, May 20, 2011
I'm not sure what sort of conversations you have in a day, but mine typically go something like this ...
"I'm sorry. Please remind me what my rule is when I am out in the hallway talking to A.) another adult or B.) dealing with a student issue? If there is no gushing blood or if your hair is not on fire, you need to stay in the room. Period. End of story."
"Please do not blow into a Kleenex once and then throw it away. That is such a waste."
"What do I do on the weekends? What everyone else does on the weekends. Why?"
"Do you know how old that song is [referring to the AXEL F on our KIDS DANCE PARTY here in the classroom]? It came out when I was in middle school, so, yeah, like a bazillion years old."
"Please stop touching that ["THAT" could be any number of items, most of them disgusting]."
"No, I do not know how to ride skateboard. Yes, I do know how to ride a bike."
"Yes, I dance. Teachers can dance."
"What does it feel like to get your eyebrows waxed? It kind of hurts."
"Who cooks my dinner? I do!"
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
- There may be times that I just don't answer the phone. It's not that I don't want to talk. It's just that I need some time for me. I give an awful lot of myself in a day's time, I realize, and there is nothing really left for me at the end of the day.
- I plan to write 3 days a week for an hour. I think it's do-able. Maybe ... maybe not. We shall see. But it's always best to start small, no?
More to come on this as I will be adding items to the list ...
It was a stress quiz.
It said: "YOU HAVE HIGH STRESS." And then it laughed at me. No, it down-right leered at me -- mocked me, I dare say.
So, I got a wild hair and cleaned and organized my classroom.
Then I went home and cleaned and organized there as well.
If I were pregnant, I would say that I'm nesting.
Alas, I am not pregnant. I HAVE HIGH STRESS. So, I do my own form of nesting. My life is in chaos, so I go and clean and organize something.
It's my way of dealing ...
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I never really knew what that meant, but basically, translating the Dad Book of Terms and Little Known Facts to normal, everyday person speak, he was trying to tell us to "CHILL!"
I really should have listened harder to that "CHILL!" part. Of course, if I'd had the pocket translation companion dictionary to the Dad Book of Terns and Little Known Facts, I might have been able to understand, fully, the "CHILL!" part. Sadly, that companion translation dictionary came out in a later version ... on BETA.
As a result, I have a tad bit of difficulty dealing with things that are, how shall I put this???? Stressful.
It is truly sad, I think, when you, the person dealing with stress, fails to realize it for what it is, and must rely on others to point out the obvious:
Since the dawning of 2011, I have been dealing with digestive issues. I won't go into the gory details -- and they are gory -- but let's just say, things have not been working as they should. Then, all of a sudden, about a month ago, they started working all too well. Much too well ...
I went to my doctor ... he took blood ... lots and lots of blood. And I had to give samples ... lots and lots of samples.
The diagnosis? I'm healthy. Fat, but healthy.
So, here's the gist of things:
- My mother received a pamphlet about women's health and how stress is the leading cause of health problems in women.
- Within this pamphlet's pages was a laundry list of health issues associated with stress (sleeplessness, fatigue, short-tempered, digestive issues, high blood pressure, headaches, excessive alcohol use, excessive smoking,).
- Beneath the laundry list was my photo.
- Graduate school ... there's more that I could write, but really, Graduate School seems to say it all, no?
- I bought a house. Apparently, that ups the stress factor considerably.
- House stuff ... i.e., leaky bathrooms, leaky gutters, yard work, sky-rocketing gas bills, insanely, ridiculous amounts of minuscule tasks that add up to a FREAKIN', gigantic headache.
- Work ... no one seems to understand the immense pressures facing teachers. In nine years, the face of teaching has changed drastically. It's now a haggard, wrinkly shell of a face. Every ounce of life has been sucked from it ...
- Others personal stuff that seems to swirl around me with such a great degree of frequency and fluidity, it's down-right mind-boggling. I'm there ... I'm a friend, but I can't seem to stop myself from worrying about it for them.
- The cacophony of voices that seem to be non-stop these last few months, pushing their agendas and opinions on me like candy.
Half hour of aroma therapy and soothing music?
I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, Operation Keep Megan Out of a Straight Jacket has been put into full-on mode.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
That doesn't even begin to describe my life at the moment ...
Full-time job ... oh, who am I kidding! A MORE than full-time job.
Full-time graduate school.
A demanding Maine Coon.
And then, two and a half weeks ago, a crazy intestinal bug that has created NOTHING but havoc with my digestive system. As a result, I've been sleeping a lot or fighting sleep a lot.
So, it stands to reason that this morning, as I motored myself into my neighborhood Circle K ... to purchase the coffee and water that I didn't have time to get around this morning, I looked down and realized that, yes, indeed, I was wearing my ...
... are you ready for this?
... I was wearing my slippers!!
My team mates cackled loudly when I called to tell them that I might be late to work as I had to go home and change my shoes to ... well, SHOES!
If I didn't have YET ANOTHER MEETING, I would be getting a giant bottle of Moscato and a curly straw ...
Monday, May 09, 2011
Saturday, May 07, 2011
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Oh yes I did.
I used an age-old Mom Phrase today, and as soon as it was out of my mouth, I wanted to put it right back in ... or just throw it away ... or hide it ... or bury it ... or do anything but what I did, which was utter it out loud.
What was the offensive Mom Phrase?
"If So and So jumped off of a bridge, would you follow her? No, because that wouldn't be a good choice. So, why were you doing was So and So was just doing? And further more, why would you tell me you did just because she was doing it?"
Mom's, I'm convinced, have been using this same reasoning and line of questioning since the dawn of time.
"And why did you use your sling shot to hit the Colosseum wall, Spartacus? I really don't care if Caesar did it first. If Caesar ran his chariot off of Mt. Olympus, would you? No, because that wouldn't be a smart decision. Just stop it."
You see ... try as I might, I can not make myself stop morphing into my mother. The inevitable is happening, and I am powerless to stop it.
Monday, May 02, 2011
Take for instance my need for cat food. I reminded myself all weekend that I needed cat food. Drove by two DIFFERENT stores that sell Emmy's brand of cat caviar -- numerous times, and STILL, I managed to forget to buy it. This morning, when she sat by her bowl and pleaded for it to be filled, and when I poured the 12 kibbles that remained in the bag into her bowl, and when she looked up at me with a look of complete and total disdain, I realized the severity of my goof!
There's currently a LARGE sign clipped to the doorway of my classroom that says: BUY CAT FOOD! My kids think the whole thing is odd. Hey! They have an odd teacher. If they are just figuring that one out, then we have bigger problems than me forgetting things.
Take, also, for instance my mortgage payment. It was due yesterday. All this morning, while getting ready, I had a nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. It wasn't until I sat down at my desk after arriving at school that it occured to me, "OOPS! I needed to pay my mortgage."
Now, they don't start sending the mortgage police out until after the 10th day, but still. I like to be prompt with the important things ... you know, like dinner time and first dates and mortgage payments and stuff like that.
This always happens when I become overwhelmed and my life teeters off the delicate ordered balance beam I set it up on.
I stop organizing things ... piles form ... I buy my breakfasts at a gas station ... I pull clothes off piles that are neither clean nor dirty but somewhere in between ... I eat jelly beans for dinner ... it's not pretty, folks.
This afternoon ... after I attend two meetings ... after I buy cat food ... after I take my mortgage payment to the post office ... this afternoon, I'm creating a list.
I will be checking it twice.
I will be organizing my piles.
I will be creating order once again.
I will be restoring my little life to its delicate balance.
My little planets will once again be realigned ...
Or you will hear of a massive convergence of wills and homework and laundry and grading and lawn work and dinner planning and grocery list-making that all swirl together to create the perfect storm that will wipe me off the face of the Earth.
Sunday, May 01, 2011
That's no fun to read, I can't imagine. It's barely any fun to write.
I'm not sure what the problem is ... I'm going through stuff? That seems like a rather lame argument when I look around at the people going through Stuff .. you know, the capital S sort of stuff? Their stuff is way bigger than my stuff, and, as such, seems to trump my stuff.
The lack of sun? Well, I've actually seen the sun a few times over the last few days. So, that's not it. Gotta be a better excuse than that, right?
I hate that I can't muster the motivation to celebrate ... there are soooo many things to celebrate.
- I've hit my first 5% weight loss goal!!! I'm officially down 13.5 lbs!!! CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES!!!
- It has been sunny this weekend. Yes, really. It has.
- It's Derby Week.
- Only six more weeks until summer vacation, but who's counting. Let's be honest here, I AM!
- Memorial Day Weekend, the official start to summer, is in a few short weeks!
- I have a deck!! I can spend my entire summer out there if I want to, and I do!
- I have the love and support of so many people, and this knowledge just fills me up.