Monday, February 20, 2012

PEARLS OF WISDOM 1-18

Okay, so I intended to spend a day each day leading up to my 40th birthday bestowing upon my faithful readers little nuggets of wisdom I have learned over these wonderful 39 years I've had so far.

And then, well, life got in the way.  So, I am finding myself, on the eve of THE BIG ONE, thinking about Pearls of Wisdom 1- 18, and feeling an urgent need to share what I have so richly learned ...

Without further adieu ...

#18 ... LIFE GETS IN THE WAY ... all the time. What is that adage?  Life is what happens when you're busy making plans?  AMEN to that one! 

#17 ... PEOPLE WILL DISAPPOINT YOU ... count on it.  All the time.  My mom gave me a card with lots of advice on it back in my 20s, and among other things, PEOPLE WILL DISAPPOINT YOU was on that card. Gives you the warm and fuzzies, doesn't it?  Well, it's true. 

#16 ... WHEN TAKING A FACEBOOK PICTURE OF YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR BATHROOM MIRROR WITH YOUR CELL PHONE, DON'T ...
            A. PUCKER YOUR LIPS ... you look stupid ... and like a porn star on Popsicles.  Not an attractive look.
            B. LEAVE THE PILE OF DIRTY CLOTHES BEHIND YOU ... you prove to the world that you are the pig we all thought to begin with.
            C. LEAVE THE TOOTH PASTE SPITTLE ON THE MIRROR ... it does, in fact, show up in those photos.

#15 ... BLACK IS SLIMMING ... wear it often!

#14 ... CURVES ARE MAKING A COME BACK ... rock 'em if ya got 'em.

#13 ... GRAD SCHOOL SUCKS ... no two ways about that one.  But it's a necessary evil ... a series of hoops that one must jump through to traverse the ladder of success ... just before the obnoxious dude up on the roof pushes the ladder away from the building.

#12 ... FOURTH GRADERS THINK THEY HAVE THE MARKET ON HIP AND COOL ... they don't.  They still pick their noses, for heaven sakes.  For that matter, I pulled up next to a guy at a stop sign the other day -- he was picking his nose too.  So, this bit of wisdom applies to men as well.

#11 ... SO WHAT IF THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT YOU ... consider it a HUGE compliment if someone is spending an inordinate amount of time talking about you. 

#10 ... PETTING A CAT CALMS YOUR NERVES AND RELAXES YOU ... washing one has the opposite effect.

# 9 ... HELIUM HAND IS STOPPED QUICKLY WHEN YOU SIT ON IT ... your butt is typically stronger than such gas ... typically.

# 8 ... WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER ... but sometimes it's okay to cry about it while you're getting stronger.

# 7 ...  BRING THE FOOD TO YOUR MOUTH, NOT YOUR MOUTH TO YOUR FOOD ... one day you're going to be on an important meeting, and you don't want any one thinking you were raised in a barn, do you?

# 6 ... OPINIONS ARE LIKE BUTTS, EVERY ONE'S GOT ONE ... we just don't always want butts and opinions in our faces. So, make sure you're being diplomatic and are just as willing to listen as you are to expound.

#5 ... PEER PRESSURE IS ONLY POWERFUL IF YOU HAVE NO FAITH IN YOURSELF.

#4 ... KEEP YOUR EYE UPON THE DONUT AND NOT UPON THE HOLE ... and watch for deer!

#3 ... IN THE LONG RUN, INTEGRITY IS SEXIER THAN SIX PACK ABS.

#2 ... LISTENING IS SOMETIMES MORE IMPORTANT THAN TALKING ... it's greener too, seeing as you save all that energy and stuff.

#1 ... LIFE IS NOT AN ELECTIVE ... enjoy it ... savor it ... work the adventure angle as long as  you can.  None of us are guaranteed a full, long, time on this Earth, so make it what you can for the time that you have it.  And don't forget to smile!

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