MARATHON
Man! It has been a freakin' crazy last couple of weeks. Between the marathon CLEAN YOUR CLASSROOM- GET IT ORGANIZED-PUT IT ALL BACK WHERE IT GOES-DO IT WHILE WORKMEN ARE STILL MAKING MESSES AND FIXING STUFF and then the actual start of school, I feel like the last two weeks have been a blur of random scenes stitched together to create ... well, my brain.
But what a COMPLETELY different start to the school year than last year. Last year at this time, I just had Ned (and what I would find out later, Ted) the Nodule biopsied, and I was just finding out that surgery would more than likely be imminent because we could never really be sure of Cancer until they were out and could be completely worked up in pathology.
Cancer.
It loomed over me like some ugly, black cloud, further coloring my already out-of-whack emotions. I was a walking disaster, and heaven help the innocent bystander in my path.
This year? Totally different.
I started off the school year almost giddy. After I got over the initial shock of seeing my room look like a tornado went through it -- and it did. The tornado's name was 20 HVAC dudes -- I just got busy, got it done, and let the stress just roll right off my shoulders.
More importantly, I'm learning a valuable lesson in just being in the moment. Taking it for what it is. My friend Carrie pointed out that in our jobs, we spend every single moment we're at school planning for the future. We're not really allowed to spend any time at all enjoying the present, because it's our job to plan ahead: plan lessons, plan strategies for getting that kid from here to there, plan the next quarter, plan the next year, plan the tests before they've even happened ...
After nine years, I have a hard time switching that off in my brain.
This summer, it became clear to me that I have to live in the moment. I have to be able to enjoy those moments that are given to me and savor the sweetness that surround them. I got a visual aid this week, in the form of a yellow rose, and it's made me reexamine A LOT of stuff.
I've come to a few conclusions ...
This marathon start to the school year, albeit crazy, has been the kick in my seat I've needed.
Bring it on, 2010-2011! Bring it on!
But what a COMPLETELY different start to the school year than last year. Last year at this time, I just had Ned (and what I would find out later, Ted) the Nodule biopsied, and I was just finding out that surgery would more than likely be imminent because we could never really be sure of Cancer until they were out and could be completely worked up in pathology.
Cancer.
It loomed over me like some ugly, black cloud, further coloring my already out-of-whack emotions. I was a walking disaster, and heaven help the innocent bystander in my path.
This year? Totally different.
I started off the school year almost giddy. After I got over the initial shock of seeing my room look like a tornado went through it -- and it did. The tornado's name was 20 HVAC dudes -- I just got busy, got it done, and let the stress just roll right off my shoulders.
More importantly, I'm learning a valuable lesson in just being in the moment. Taking it for what it is. My friend Carrie pointed out that in our jobs, we spend every single moment we're at school planning for the future. We're not really allowed to spend any time at all enjoying the present, because it's our job to plan ahead: plan lessons, plan strategies for getting that kid from here to there, plan the next quarter, plan the next year, plan the tests before they've even happened ...
After nine years, I have a hard time switching that off in my brain.
This summer, it became clear to me that I have to live in the moment. I have to be able to enjoy those moments that are given to me and savor the sweetness that surround them. I got a visual aid this week, in the form of a yellow rose, and it's made me reexamine A LOT of stuff.
I've come to a few conclusions ...
- I've never allowed myself to enjoy most of the moments given me because I've never really felt worthy of them.
- I've spent a lot of time and energy on self-talk that has been very demoralizing and mean. Nothing I would ever say to someone I know and love, but things I said to myself all the time.
- I've missed out on a lot of moments because of my fear and self-loathing.
- Happiness isn't difficult achieve. It's just being willing to embrace who you really, truly are.
This marathon start to the school year, albeit crazy, has been the kick in my seat I've needed.
Bring it on, 2010-2011! Bring it on!
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