Saturday, December 28, 2019

Christmas in the Bluegrass is slowly fading, and, as I sit here and reflect on today, I suppose that could be a great analogy for why I get so blue the closer I get to January. Beyond the crash after the HIGH of the holidays is the realization (now that I am considered middle aged) that time is passing quickly by. I look at people I love and wonder how much longer I have with them -- I don't like to dwell on that question too long.

I look at my life and wonder if I could have made better decisions in my life. Would I have ended up enjoying an entirely different view, figuratively speaking? 

Then I see a literal view like this, and I am certainly reminded that life is pretty sweet from this vantage point.

There is this juxtaposition between savoring the sweetness of life and wondering about the future that causes me to feel a sense of sadness and excitement and anxiety all at once, and maybe that is why I don't crave the fresh new start that everyone else does the day after Christmas. Maybe that is why I spend the week between Christmas and New Years trying to hang on to every last moment.

Today, I spent with my family. We shopped and wandered and laughed and really just hung in that sweet spot of Family. The older I get the more I bask in these moments and seek them out whenever I can.

And that is okay. That is fine. Just fine.