Monday, June 22, 2015

GIVING MYSELF GRACE

There are seven more weeks until the beginning of my 14th year of teaching commences ... 14 years!  Good Lord, y'all!  How has it become 14 years already? I mean, I'm not that old! Yes, my driver's license says I'm 43, but seriously, I don't FEEL 43.  What does that feel like anyway?

But I digress...

I am focusing on the seven weeks ...

With some minor exceptions for work, I have seven weeks to refocus, and I've decided something radical.

What's that, you say? Well, I'm giving myself grace.  Grace, as defined by Dictionary.com, is mercy; clemency; pardon; and you know what, I'm in some need of a pardon these days

If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that I have struggled with my weight most of my adult life.  There are a variety of reasons for that struggle but the bottom line is that I've struggled.  It has consumed my life, actually, and I don't like that it has had that much power.

So, yeah, seven weeks of GRACE.  I am giving it to myself.

But what does that look like?  What does it mean?

Well, for one thing, I am not going to step on the scales for seven weeks.

I know!!!  Radical, right?  Here's the thing.  I was going through some old photos the other day, and I ran across some photos I took of myself when I'd lost a bunch of weight two years ago.  I was crushed, because I vividly remember how frustrated I was with the number on the scale, and y'all, I was tiny!  I looked good!  But because I was stuck in the rut of A NUMBER, I couldn't see how good I looked....how much my hard work was paying off.

Being obsessed with a number isn't helping me.  In fact, it's doing the opposite.  It's hurting me.  So, for seven weeks, no numbers.

This, of course, doesn't give me carte blanche to do whatever.  ABSOLUTELY NOT! What it does do is free me to enjoy the good food I nourish my body with, enjoy the activities I choose to challenge my body with, and to just enjoy this life I've been given.  Freedom is a good thing.

I'm also giving myself grace when it comes to my body. 

It's flawed, y'all.  I can't do everything with it that I'd like to do.  My degenerative arthritis is keeping me from running.  I can't do pounding exercises .... the list is lengthy, but rather than dwell on that, I'm going to dwell on what I can do ... and embrace it!  There is no sense in wasting any more time on what I can't do.  Time to do the things I love to do with this body ... the same body that is flabby and full of cellulite.  My thighs aren't thin and shapely.  Nope.  Not even close.  They are, however, strong and large, and they get me up steep hills when I'm hiking.  My shoulders are broad and large, but that's because I have a lot to shoulder in life.  I need those broad shoulders!

I am not a cute, little petite thing that all the men are dying to marry.  I have never been petite or little.  Tall and gangly....then tall and curvy.  I am never going to be that woman.  Nevertheless, I am creative and opinionated and funny, at times, and smart and bookish and loud and stand-offish and shy and out-going, at times, and obsessed with coffee and all those things that make me an individual ... and I'm going to love myself for all those things.

I'm giving myself grace. 

Take me or leave me, this is me, and I'm okay with that. 

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