PLEASE JUST STOP SAYING AND DOING THESE THINGS

I am 46 years old, and I am single. Not by design, mind you. I never in a million years thought that I would be this age and still be single. In fact, at this point in life, I really thought I'd be celebrating a milestone wedding anniversary.

Instead, I am dealing with at least two MAJOR projects this summer (major for me), all the while trying to figure out how I am going to make it all happen.

Most of the people I know and love have been married (or coupled) longer than they have ever been single. So, they look at my life longingly and say stuff wistfully, and I have to tell ya. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

It's with this vast, expansive single-life experience from which I culled to create the following list:

PLEASE JUST STOP SAYING/DOING THESE THINGS

1. "Man! I wish I could have your life! You get to go where ever you want and do what ever you want....not a care in the world!"  Really? It's as if the entire married population is under the impression that we single people are all independently wealthy. You do realize that we must make ONE paycheck stretch that entire month, right? I own a home, and I have a rather sizable student loan to pay off. Sizable in that it is more than my car payment! It is just me paying the utilities and the mortgage and the student loan and the car payment and alllllll the other things that fall under Monthly Household Expenses. I am not flitting off to exotic locales and jet-setting my life away. I haven't been a for realsies park-my-butt-in-the-sand kinda vacation in probably 14 years??? 
2. "Could you just do this one thing for me? I have to take my kid to ________. Plus, they've waited for me long enough. It's not fair to them." You know what you are really saying there? "Listen, your time isn't as valuable as mine. Would you mind taking care of this for me?"  I am thrilled that you've started a family. Really. But guess what, even though I've not popped out two plus kids, doesn't mean my life is somehow not as valuable as yours.  My time is JUST as precious. 
3. Don't pull the Mom Card. Single people the world over have story upon story of being guilt-tripped into staying at a meeting longer or doing others' work along with their own or cutting their own plans short to cover the mom we all know who cannot miss one single ANYTHING that their sweet, precious child is doing. I have actually been told, "Now that I am a mom, my time is more valuable because I am raising kids. So, someone else is going to have to do that."  Ooooooookkkkkaaaaay. It was YOUR choice to have children. So, I am thinking it's YOUR responsibility to figure out how to juggle it, and if you can't, leave or get a new assignment or stop volunteering or figure out how you can make it work. And asking single people to add to their workload is NOT a viable option. 
4. "Are you dating anyone right now?  I just want you to be as happy as I am."  There is this notion in society that until you are dating or married, a person cannot be happy. What do you think I am missing in the happy department?  I have a job, a family, a full life, and many hobbies. Can I not be happy with those things?
5. Please stop outdoing me in the "rough life" department. You meet up with a friend, and when she asks you how you are, you sigh and say, "I'm struggling today. It was a rough morning ..." and before you can say another word, your friend interrupts you and whines, "Oh my word! You think you had a rough morning! Let me tell you about MY rough morning! The kids refused to get out of bed and they both just had the stomach flu and my husband wouldn't get out of bed to help and ...."  Your friend has set up the expectation that anything you say in reply will pale in comparison to her nightmarish morning, and so you sit in silence, internally stewing because it really had been a terrible morning, and you really just wanted to talk with someone about it, seeing as the cat just sits and looks at you when you attempt to talk it over with her. 
6. Please stop complaining about your spouse incessantly. We are human, and no one is perfect. We are all struggling to make it all fit into our day, and you sit there and complain about the way your spouse does the dishes or plays with the kids or folds the laundry or does the yard work or snores or just breathes air.  I mean, if he or she is that bad, why on Earth are you still married?  And will you admit, they ARE helping? Granted, it may not be how you would do it, but they are helping.  Do you know who helps me?  NO ONE. I single-handedly make all the financial decisions. I do all the grocery shopping and laundry and cleaning. I take the trash out and pull the buckets back in at night. I shovel the walk. I mow the lawn ... and since I don't actually mow these days, I must hire someone to do that for me. I drag my heels on fixing doors and buying storm doors and figuring out electrical issues and car issues and tax issues and issues in general. Me. No one else. 

We all want to feel validated. I think sometimes in the rush to tick the stuff off the LIFE TO DO LIST, we forget that there are those among whose priorities are different. Just as important but different and that is okay.

I feel much of the time like that one lone flower blowing in the breeze out in the middle of the field by myself. For whatever reason, it is never picked. It just is ... right out there in the middle of the field. I know plenty of other single people who feel the exact same way...