STRUGGLING TO LET GO OF THE STRUGGLE

Rainy days are hard for me. I need the sun.

The dreariness wears on my soul ...

I feed off the sun and the blue skies. I need that energy.

The grayness saps my energy. It causes me to be introspective. Where there is no light, I start shedding light on the darkest parts of me ... where the real struggle resides.

And I find myself asking myself this question:

Why is it such a struggle letting go of what I struggle with the most? 

I do not like struggle. It causes strife, and I do not like strife. And yet, despite my displeasure for such things, I find myself immersed in the struggle, and I feel powerless to stop it.

What is it deep within my soul that won''t let me just let the struggle go? Why must I cling to it so? What causes me to have such a stronghold on it when it gives me nothing but emotional pain? Is it because I've struggled so long that letting it go means I'm letting a part of myself go? Surely not! I mean, I despise the struggle.

I look around at people that mill about this world, and I find myself thinking, "they don't struggle -- or maybe they do ... then how do they let go of the struggle?"

What makes my character one that holds to the struggle and feed off it? Is it impossible to quit it?

I struggle with letting go of the struggle. Do you? 




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