Friday, April 07, 2017

FINDING MY HAPPY AGAIN

A friend of mine told me recently that when I was walking consistently, she noticed I was always happy. I was fit and happy and had a positive outlook. She noticed all of that.

I haven't really thought about that time much recently ... well, other than to berate myself for letting myself go as much as I did.

I remember struggling with a plateau that I couldn't get past.  That was frustrating for me. However, I also remember fitting into a size smaller than I had been in ... having people notice my hard work ... feeling good, physically ... being stronger and able to do more physical stuff.  Despite all the emotional stuff I might have been going through, I felt physically fit ... more physically fit than I had in a long time.

So why did I stop?

I suppose part of it was the frustrating plateau. Then I had all that pain from the torn meniscus that I ignorantly ignored.  It became harder and harder to walk without excruciating pain. I suppose the last straw was having my surgeon's PA tell me that I had a limited amount of miles left on my knee, and how was I going to use the miles I had left?

People speak stuff into your life, and most of the time you can laugh it off. However, for me, there are certain things that people say that just cement themselves into me, and what that PA said?  It stuck.  He scared me to death. Suddenly, I was a whisper away from a knee replacement. And so I sat.

Here's the reality. I have a family history of degenerative knee disease.  I have been diagnosed with osteoarthritis in both knees. The odds are, I will be having knee replacements at some point in my life. It is what it is.  In the meantime, I cannot sit and have my life pass by me while I get to the size of Shamu.

So, I am going to start walking again. Today, I logged 1.2 miles. It was a sloooooooooow 1.2 miles, and there was pain.  But I did it.  I want to get back to those things that make me happy.  Walking makes me happy.

The next nine yards will be getting back to the gym ... the gym I've been paying a membership for and not using ... but I'm not going to beat myself up over that one.  It is what it is.

Baby steps, right?

No comments: