Wednesday, January 04, 2012

A PUBLIC APOLOGY FOR MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS

The holidays are officially over ... all the family has left, and the house seems eerily quiet.  It won't be long before Emmy the Cat and I get back into the swing of single-hood and quiet houses and a routine and stuff.  But for now, I'm feeling a bit lonely and nostalgic and, well, sad.  I can't help it.  I love being surrounded by the people I love and miss them dearly when they leave.  Even when my sister comes for a visit in the evening (or I go to see her)... I miss her when she leaves.  It's the lot in life for those that are social butterflies ... or just extremely talkative.

This morning, while spending quiet time alone in the, well, QUIET, I was convicted ... convicted because 2011 was not my best year in terms of my attitude.  Quite frankly, I think it stunk ... on more than a few occasions I was cranky and whiny.  I passed judgement when I should have just let it (whatever IT might have been) go.  I missed opportunities.  I didn't love enough on people that probably needed it.  I complained waaaaay too much.  I missed the joy in life ... in the small moments that pass us by while we're too busy being busy.  In short, I wasn't a nice person.

Now, I have had to create some boundaries this year.  More than what I would like, in order to hang on to a modicum of my sanity at times.  However, I may have gone a bit over-board in the boundary department ... to the point that I became a hermit ... and, actually liked it!  

I think that is why I was so looking forward to 2012 so much.  It's a do-over, and Lord knows, I've needed one.  In fact, truth be told, He's been nudging me to get a do-over started nigh unto January 2, 2011!

So, I must apologize to my family!  If I was crabby, cranky, out of sorts, and generally not always a joy to be around the last 10 days ... or 12 months, I am so very sorry.  I hate that I might have spent any of the last 10 days hurting your feelings or making you feel less than welcome or loved.  I TRULY love you all and miss you all dearly when we aren't together.  I am working on finding joy and contentment in the simple things and not in wishing things away to a point that I've worked myself into a fit of headaches and stomach issues, etc., etc., etc.

To my friends ... if I wasn't there when you needed me ... or my stressed out self was more than you could take ... or my whining and complaining and general attitude of morose was more like fingernails on your proverbial chalk board, I sincerely apologize.  I am working on being a better person ... I'm a work in progress.

I was reminded this morning how truly blessed I am, and how often I take all of this for granted.  This year, 2012 will be an amazing year because you will all be there with me ... experiencing some or all of it alongside of me.  This year, 2012, will be an amazing year because I have all of you in my life ... loving me ... cheering for me ... and sticking by when I have one of those whining, horrible, no good, attitudes.

I love each and every one of you!




1 comment:

Terri said...

I stumbled upon your blog by accident. But I love this entry. I feel just like this but am not ready to be sorry for it yet or to change my ways. Good luck to you, keep blogging!