LAYIN' EGGS
My friend Lisa is the social worker/Mother Theresa/sainted angel/patron saint of all that is ill-behaved children at my old school. At this percise time on the May calendar, she is in the throes of the NASTY CLASS, and is, therefore, the reigning QUEEN OF THE NASTY CLASS.
The NASTY CLASS is really Human Growth and Sexuality, but we teachers always lovingly referred to it as the NASTY CLASS. There's a story to be told, but it will be saved for another blog.
The other day, Lisa had the task of explaining to female NASTY CLASS participants that, among other things, girls have eggs and boys have sperm. After said explanation, Lisa took the following question from a rather concerned young lady.
"Do you mean we lay eggs?!?"
Now, Lisa is a dear, sweet NASTY CLASS teacher. So, I'm certain she reassured the poor child by explaining that while females of our species do have eggs, we don't actually lay them like chickens.
Because I've not seen the sun in no less than 6 days (and so therefore am poisonously crabby), I would have replied in the following fashion:
"Honey, not only do we lay eggs, but some of us lay giant volley balls! And while we're on the subject, can you hear that distant wailing? Those are my eggs! They are dying by the second! Shriveling up and becoming former shadows of themselves. That's what you've got to look forward to, babycakes! Any more questions?"
I'm envisioning a cigarette-laced voice rasping at the wide-eyed crowd.
And, here's how I will leave you all ... reminiscing about another NASTY CLASS a few years back. This one was being taught by another teacher buddy of mine ... a male teacher buddy. He had just completed a riveting talk about the anatomy of male genitalia and was asking what the boys had learned in that day's lesson (double checking to make sure they were walking away with sound information).
One of my third graders raised his hand and said excitedly, "I learned boys have tentacles!"
Yep ... I think I've dated one of those boys!
The NASTY CLASS is really Human Growth and Sexuality, but we teachers always lovingly referred to it as the NASTY CLASS. There's a story to be told, but it will be saved for another blog.
The other day, Lisa had the task of explaining to female NASTY CLASS participants that, among other things, girls have eggs and boys have sperm. After said explanation, Lisa took the following question from a rather concerned young lady.
"Do you mean we lay eggs?!?"
Now, Lisa is a dear, sweet NASTY CLASS teacher. So, I'm certain she reassured the poor child by explaining that while females of our species do have eggs, we don't actually lay them like chickens.
Because I've not seen the sun in no less than 6 days (and so therefore am poisonously crabby), I would have replied in the following fashion:
"Honey, not only do we lay eggs, but some of us lay giant volley balls! And while we're on the subject, can you hear that distant wailing? Those are my eggs! They are dying by the second! Shriveling up and becoming former shadows of themselves. That's what you've got to look forward to, babycakes! Any more questions?"
I'm envisioning a cigarette-laced voice rasping at the wide-eyed crowd.
And, here's how I will leave you all ... reminiscing about another NASTY CLASS a few years back. This one was being taught by another teacher buddy of mine ... a male teacher buddy. He had just completed a riveting talk about the anatomy of male genitalia and was asking what the boys had learned in that day's lesson (double checking to make sure they were walking away with sound information).
One of my third graders raised his hand and said excitedly, "I learned boys have tentacles!"
Yep ... I think I've dated one of those boys!
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