Reality bites
I had to go to school today for a professional development, and it occurred to me, as fought my desire to stay under my warm, comfy blankets, that, yes, starting Monday, it is back to a routine and a schedule and the Insanity and the feeling of inadequacy that seems to follow me these days and the overwhelming feeling of being overwhelmed and .... and suddenly, I didn't feel so relaxed.
My mother pointed out something to me the other day that I've spent years fretting about. It's really a good thing she pointed it out, too, because now I can put the money I would have spent on a therapist toward something useful -- like "Re-do Megan's Bathroom Fund" or something along those lines. She pointed out that I've always been the type of person that sees a task as either something I need to be perfect at or as something that requires so much from me that it's too overwhelming to achieve perfection. If I perceive it to be too overwhelming, I just won't do it because I would hate to fail at it and not be perfect.
You know what? She's right. That's right, Mother! I said you were right. Mark it down on a calendar that on Thursday, October 21, 2010, at approximately 5:11 p.m., I said that you were right. And she is. I HATE the thought of failing at something. It makes me crazy to think I might not actually do it absolutely correctly. So, if it's a task with insurmountable odds, I might walk away from it.
I suppose that is why I have busted my tail to get my house in order. I want it looking perfect. I don't want boxes laying around for months and years. I want it perfect.
I just finished sending a friend of mine an email comment about enjoying the small moments and not sweating the small stuff (or the big, ridiculous stuff, for that matter), and here I am, in need of the same words of encouragement. Perhaps, I should go back over to her blog and re-read what I just posted for her.
My mother pointed out something to me the other day that I've spent years fretting about. It's really a good thing she pointed it out, too, because now I can put the money I would have spent on a therapist toward something useful -- like "Re-do Megan's Bathroom Fund" or something along those lines. She pointed out that I've always been the type of person that sees a task as either something I need to be perfect at or as something that requires so much from me that it's too overwhelming to achieve perfection. If I perceive it to be too overwhelming, I just won't do it because I would hate to fail at it and not be perfect.
You know what? She's right. That's right, Mother! I said you were right. Mark it down on a calendar that on Thursday, October 21, 2010, at approximately 5:11 p.m., I said that you were right. And she is. I HATE the thought of failing at something. It makes me crazy to think I might not actually do it absolutely correctly. So, if it's a task with insurmountable odds, I might walk away from it.
I suppose that is why I have busted my tail to get my house in order. I want it looking perfect. I don't want boxes laying around for months and years. I want it perfect.
I just finished sending a friend of mine an email comment about enjoying the small moments and not sweating the small stuff (or the big, ridiculous stuff, for that matter), and here I am, in need of the same words of encouragement. Perhaps, I should go back over to her blog and re-read what I just posted for her.
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