THINGS THAT ARE BUGGING ME TODAY

• To the ding-bat that sat next to me last night at the concert and sent and received text messages all night LONG:

DUDE! SERIOUSLY!?!!? Are you kidding me?? What is so ALL-FIRED IMPORTANT that you MUST send text messages the entire concert? Really? Beyond the fact that the whole feel of the evening was SUPPOSED to be "dimly lit coffeehouse-esque" and your cell kept blinding me, what could you possibly need to message someone about ... A HALF A DOZEN TIMES??? Do you not see RUDE written all over that?

People like that just bug the crap right out of me. There are times and places for everything, and sometimes, you've just got to put the cell phone away. Unless you receive a message that says "HELP ME! I'VE JUST PLUNGED OFF OF A 40-FOOT EMBANKMENT, AND I'M GOING TO BE FORCED TO DRINK PEE FROM MY SHOE IF SOMEONE DOESN'T COME AND RESCUE ME NOW," an unplugged, folksy-bluesy, coffeehouse-type concert is just not the place to text. Period. End of story!

SHEEZE! Get a clue people!

• To the idiot woman that ran RIGHT UP ON MY TAIL in her fancy Esclade last night:

Lady, I'm not sure where you got your driver's license from, but I feel relatively sure it's in jeapordy of being taken away! Had you not pulled into the Speedway and turned around, you would have been seeing police lights flashing because I was seconds away from calling 911 on your sorry butt. You were driving recklessly, and I wanted you nailed before you killed or hurt someone! Next time, go for the gumball ring in the CRANE GAME at the grocery store, okay?

• To the folks whose homes and businesses were seriously damaged or destroyed in the fire today in downtown Frankfort:

My thoughts and prayers are with you today!

• To the girls that go to the gym in their best bib and tucker with not a hair out of place:

Seriously, girls! This isn't a meat-market. We are here to work out! Not do the speed-dating gig. You're making me gag, ladies. Really!