There's a factional group of my friends that love to play board games. We've been known to have game nights centered around wild, uproarious matches. There's trash talk, under the table deals ... it can get dirty ... it can get ugly.
One of most every one's favorite games is a board game called Settlers of Catan. I say most everyone, because, frankly, I hate it. It requires you to build strategies and see several scenarios all at once. It requires you to think beyond the play in front of you and look at every angle in order to garner those elusive ten points. It requires you to think.
Now, I'm sorry, but if I see one scenario at a given moment, I'm doing well. I can't imagine twelve at one time. It's impossible for my brain to do that! Building strategies is not my forte. It's not even really in my language, and it requires logical, mathematical thinking, of which, I have none.
Frankly, I think you have to be obsessed with Excel spreadsheets in order to enjoy this game. I'm not fond of spreadsheets. They cramp my style.
Last night, one of my friends was celebrating a birthday. So, the rest of the group decided it'd be "awesome" to have a game night playing Settlers. One of the girls brought a birthday cake, and promptly set it down in front of me as the rest set up the two boards we would be running simultaneously.
"Are we going to have cake?" I asked.
"Yep," someone answered while excitedly yammering about their strategy.
No one made a move to cut the cake, and, seriously, the singing of Happy Birthday had occurred a full ten minutes before this.
"So, cake? We're going to have some, right?" I asked again.
I'm sorry! What is wrong with you freakin' people!??!? IT'S CAKE!!!
As people were eagerly jockeying for teammates, I decided to build my own strategy.
"Now, listen," I shouted. "This cake is the only bright spot in my evening! If you're going to make me play this stupid game, I want to eat cake while doing it."
The cake was promptly cut.
I mean, let's get some priorities straight, people.