CHAPERONING THE TRAIN WRECK THAT IS A MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCE

Tonight was the "big" 5th and 6th grade dance. From 7 to 9 p.m., I sat and watched prepubescents do the worm, gorge themselves on pizza and pop, create drama with every flip of their stringy hair, and was transfixed by the gaggle of girls that wore tracks in the hallway that led to and from the bathroom. I also wondered at the footwear of some of these girls. Considering I wasn't allowed to wear actual heels until at was in 9th grade, it seemed somewhat odd to me, that these little girls were running around in heels that would mock my sensible shoes.

Highlights of the evening? Besides my ringing ears?

• Witnessing my boss make farting sounds into the microphone, then laughing hysterically at himself for the ingenuity of the idea in the first place.
• Being a party to Christy's pole dance on the door jam of the front office ... was it AC/DC playing in the background?
• Hearing old school hard rock and playing my air guitar to the horror of my former students witnessing said display.
• Girl drama, almost perfectly timed at 7:45 p.m. ... exactly 45 minutes into the dance and right about the time everyone has had their first saturation of sugary drinks.
• Seeing them all leave at 9ish p.m.