Friday, March 22, 2013

Celebrating the Little Things

I have been a gigantic black cloud as of late ... with a gigantic attitude to go with it.

I keep saying it is because of the season of life that I find myself stuck in, and, I suppose, that part of that rather lame excuse is true.  Don't we all get to to certain points in our lives where things just seem all sideways?

I mean...I've felt for a long time like I am surrounded by people but am truly all alone.  I know. It sounds whiny, and to a certain extent, it is.  You get to an age where no one has a lot of time for the single people roaming this Earth.  Again, it sounds whiny, but I get really tired of doing the searching out.  I would like someone else to take up that call.

But then, I suppose, that is asking a lot of people ... when we live in a society and era that asking stuff of people is just a plain, old inconvenience.

I don't know ... all the whining in the above paragraph(s) seems secondary to the the bigger portion of my funk.  I think a bigger part of my malaise, if you can call it that, is that I am too hard on myself ... I just don't give myself the credit I deserve.

Top on my GRUMPY, CRABBY, NO GOOD, HORRIBLE DAY list is my weight.  I have been so discouraged with the lack of progress I've made.

My foot is the bane of my existence these days, and the lack of exercise hasn't helped my mood.

Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen!  It is the truth.  Exercise, does, in fact, put in you a better frame of mind to deal with idiots individuals that don't see things your way and stresses and the lack of money and well, you name it.  The endorphin(s) released in exercise pursuits seem to make it all better.

Since it has been a while for an endorphin release in my system, I have managed crabby and grouchy quite nicely, thank you very much.

The point of this rambling stream of consciousness blog?

The other day, I decided to be lazy, a term I've become quite familiar with as of late, and I went to a Chinese restaurant for take-out.  If that fact alone wasn't horrific enough, as I was sitting there waiting for my bag of cholesterol to be delivered to my greedy hands, a couple walked in.  This fact alone is not all together uncommon on its own.  However, it was the size of one half of the couple that was cause for a pause in my self-deprecating thought process.  The young female half of the couple was huge.  My guess is that she was in her early 20s, and yet she had difficulty walking due to her size.  I watched as other people watched her, allowing that typical stereotype that people have for those that are fat, play out among the patrons.  I was immediately clenched by guilt and then by pain.  Whether this girl liked to admit it or not, I know she can not be happy with herself.  I know the feelings of guilt when you binge, swearing you will do better the next time ... and the next time ... and the next time.  I know the loneliness that causes the binges in the first place ... and the guilt for feeling that way to begin with ... it's a vicious, ugly circle, and it's one that I've been fighting for a long time.

So as I sat and watched her struggle to sit comfortably in her chair, I felt a sense of sadness for her, and that's when it occurred to me:

I am not that person any more!  Okay, yes, I am not where I need to be, but I am not that person.  I am changing ... I have changed!  And rather than wallow in self-pity, I should be knee-deep in celebration!  I've managed to lose almost 20 lbs.  Yes, I did gain 7 of those pounds back, but 13 lbs is still pretty respectable in the whole grand scheme of things ... and here's the thing, I am still working on it!  I am still working on ways to tweak the system and make it work for me.  Have I had lulls in the journey?  Have I experienced bumps in the road? I have a missed the mark a time or two?  Absolutely.  But who doesn't?  Even the most disciplined among us misses the mark (probably more than they would like to admit).  We wouldn't be human if we didn't.

So, I am going to celebrate.

I am going to celebrate that I am healthy.
I am going to celebrate that I am working on being even healthier.
I am going to celebrate that I have the ability to make better choices.
I am going to celebrate when I do make a better choice.
I am going to celebrate in my ability to look at the positive rather than dwell on the negative.
I am going to celebrate that I, in fact, have the ability to pick out the positive, however minuscule it might be and focus on it.
I am going to celebrate the little things, which, really, in the whole grand scheme of things, are really quite big.

It's time to celebrate, people!!!  And celebrate I will!




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