Sunday, March 24, 2013

Out-Growing Stuff

I talked with my mom this afternoon.  It's been a while since I've been able to talk with my mom, and I just needed to unload on her.

I have been struggling with a lot of things, most of which I've kept to myself.  Chiefly, I've kept them to myself because I find myself the safe place for others to unload on me, and while I am flattered that people feel safe to do that with me, it's exhausting work because NO ONE wants to take the time to listen to me.  In fact, it's been a very long while since I've had someone that will listen to my issues without some snarky comment in return ... or a flippant "fix" to a problem.  It's isolating.  I've mentioned this a couple of times to people, and, you've guessed it, I've received snarky comments in reply, quick fixes, or, even worse, a change in subject all together.

I've been struggling with being single in my 40s NOT because I feel like my life would be more complete with a man in it, but because very few people are single in their 40s.  There are very few people that have the schedules to be spontaneous any more.  Most must find some place to stash a kid or two and then check with a spouse and so on and so forth.  I always complain that my social life was so much better in my 20s. Well!  That was because NONE of us had kids or spouses back then.  Those that are married tend to like to do things with other couples because of a perceived or actual awkwardness involved with the spouse.  So, that leaves me as the third wheel in many cases.

Please, please, please do not read this as me fishing for invitations. Nor is it me looking for anyone to feel sorry for me.  It's just that even now, in this day and age, there is such a stigma attached to being single, and those that disagree with me are the very ones perpetuating the stigma.  Shoot!  Most churches aren't even sure what to do with us single people, which, quite honestly, is amazing to me.  And I am using that word in the most sarcastic sort of way.  If our own churches can't even figure out how to handle those of us that are single, then I am sorta scared...you know??

Perhaps it boils down to me out-growing some things ...

I might need to be a little more concerned with sloughing off those things, places and maybe even people that are causing me to lose sight of the bigger picture.



3 comments:

serialadopter said...

I can totally understand how you feel. We very rarely - make that never - get invites because people either think we can't figure out how to get away sans kids or they don't want to deal with all of us at their house. All invites have come from us in longer than I can remember.
I completely understand how difficult it must be as a single person in church. I'm afraid I have no suggestions, but I do feel your pain.

Megan said...

Thanks, Paula, for, at the very least, validating my feelings. For a while, I was beginning to think that I was imagining all this ... or making a mountain out of a mole hill. I had someone tell me not too long ago that churches will always find a way to focus on families and rarely will they try to look for ways to reach singles. To me, that is a sad commentary. It gives an audible voice to those that feel like church (and by proxy, God, for those that don't truly understand) has nothing to offer singles. That seems sooooooo wrong-headed in my view.

Again, thanks for feeling my pain. :)

Nicole said...

That is sad that some churches don't know what to singles. I'm fortunate to be at a church that has groups for singles. I also understand your pain because majority of our friends have kids and we don't. Therefore we feel left out. So know that you are not alone with those feelings:(