CONVERSATIONS FROM KENTUCKY
A conversation with a gas attendant in Versailles, KY
ME: “Your post office?”
GAS ATTENDENT (GA): [heavy sigh] “What about it?”
ME: How do I get to it?”
GA: “Git on the by-pass, then take a rIght, rIIIght, and a left.”
ME: “Thank you.”
Later in the car …
ANN: “What did he say?”
ME: “Take a right, a right, and a left.”
ANN: That helps a lot! Knew I shouldn’t have sent you in there to get directions.”
A conversation at the Versailles, KY Kroger …
KROGER DELI GUY: [KDG] Hoyalldoin [one word]
ANN: I’d like a pound of your macaroni and cheese please.”
KDG: That’ll be ta-ni-de-nine.
ANN: Pardon me?
KDG: [much slower] $2.99
A conversation with Dad on one of our many trips to Walmart …
ME: Ann said these big plants with the flowers on it are tobacco plants.
DAD: No, those are Kentucky Cabbage.
ME: Then why did Ann tell me they were tobacco plants?
DAD: [with a smirk on his face] Those are Kentucky Cabbage.
ME: NO THEY AREN’T!!! You’re such a dork!
DAD: I had you for a minute!!
A conversation I had with my dad on one of our many trips to Walmart (part 2) …
ME: “Okay, you are in charge of pushing the cart.”
DAD: “Nope. I don’t do carts. If my union rep sees me doing this, I could get into trouble.”
ME: “Whatever!”
DAD: “I’m not licensed or certified to run one of these things.”
ME: “Again, whatever!”
A conversation at Woodfield Reserve Distillery
MOM: “Man! These bourbon balls are strong!”
ME: “No, they’re yummy!”
MOM: [making a face]
ME: Can you get drunk eating these?
MOM: You’d have to eat a lot of them.
ME: I’m willing to take a bullet for that team!
ME: “Your post office?”
GAS ATTENDENT (GA): [heavy sigh] “What about it?”
ME: How do I get to it?”
GA: “Git on the by-pass, then take a rIght, rIIIght, and a left.”
ME: “Thank you.”
Later in the car …
ANN: “What did he say?”
ME: “Take a right, a right, and a left.”
ANN: That helps a lot! Knew I shouldn’t have sent you in there to get directions.”
A conversation at the Versailles, KY Kroger …
KROGER DELI GUY: [KDG] Hoyalldoin [one word]
ANN: I’d like a pound of your macaroni and cheese please.”
KDG: That’ll be ta-ni-de-nine.
ANN: Pardon me?
KDG: [much slower] $2.99
A conversation with Dad on one of our many trips to Walmart …
ME: Ann said these big plants with the flowers on it are tobacco plants.
DAD: No, those are Kentucky Cabbage.
ME: Then why did Ann tell me they were tobacco plants?
DAD: [with a smirk on his face] Those are Kentucky Cabbage.
ME: NO THEY AREN’T!!! You’re such a dork!
DAD: I had you for a minute!!
A conversation I had with my dad on one of our many trips to Walmart (part 2) …
ME: “Okay, you are in charge of pushing the cart.”
DAD: “Nope. I don’t do carts. If my union rep sees me doing this, I could get into trouble.”
ME: “Whatever!”
DAD: “I’m not licensed or certified to run one of these things.”
ME: “Again, whatever!”
A conversation at Woodfield Reserve Distillery
MOM: “Man! These bourbon balls are strong!”
ME: “No, they’re yummy!”
MOM: [making a face]
ME: Can you get drunk eating these?
MOM: You’d have to eat a lot of them.
ME: I’m willing to take a bullet for that team!
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