WE AREN'T IN KANSAS ANYMORE, TOTO
So, I’m sitting here smack, dab in the middle of the Bluegrass Region of Kentucky – give or take a mile or two. It is amazingly beautiful! I don’t notice the blue in the grass (I’m told that happens in the spring). Pretty much looks like the grass at home in Michigan. So much about this place is just like Michigan, so it feels like home in a way. However, there are many, many things that aren’t like Michigan at all, and they’ve provided more than a few moments of giggles, awe and fear for the future! J
1.) The Kentucky River looks like chocolate milk. I live near a river at home – the Kalamazoo River. We’ve always thought it was a disgusting, dirty river. The few times I’ve gotten in it to canoe, I’ve always come out with this nasty schmeg stuff all over me. I’ll warrant a guess, I’ve not seen schmeg until I’ve dipped myself into the Kentucky River – which I don’t think I will be doing anytime soon. I think it’s safe to assume that the Kalamazoo River looks like an environmental miracle in comparison to the Chocolate Milk River down here.
2.) Every time we open our mouths down here, some one looks at us funny. You see, to them, we have the cutest little accent.
3.) Nowhere in Michigan, that I am aware, do we have these sprawling horse farms. Yes, we have lots of barns and fences, but we apparently don’t know how to care for them very well. Down in these parts, ALL your barns color coordinate … and your fences? These babies are neat as pins and all painted. And the fountains! They had fancy fountains in the middle of their pastures!
4.) It doesn’t smell like horse poop.
5.) Words are pronounced so much differently down here – and there are new words for things we would spend an entire sentence on! For instance, “Hi, how are you doing today?” up in Michigan can be translated to “Hoyaldoin?” down here in Kentucky. Long Is in words like nine and life, are HIGHLY exaggerated down here. Words like “sour mash” in Michigan (two very important words down here in Kentucky) are pronounced “sar maaaash” down here. I could do an entire blog on just the dialect alone, but I’m not entirely sure I have that part down yet.
6.) Kentucky bourbon is famous in this area, and they are VERY serious about it too. $27.99 a bottle serious, I might add! And they put bourbon into EVERYTHING: chocolate fudge, chocolate sauce, salsa, marinade, barbeque sauce … perhaps that’s why whole sentences are reduced to one words?
7.) Sweet tea is a staple beverage down here. Unsweetened tea is almost against a person’s religion.
8.) You can’t spit without hitting a Baptist Church. LITERALY.
9.) Liquor stores close up, lock, stock and barrel on Sundays. And apparently, they roll up their main streets at night, because after 5 p.m., almost everything starts shutting down.
10.)Every one is sooooooo friendly down here. We falsely assume that we are friendly as can be up north. UH …. No! We’ve got nothing on these people’s southern hospitality. “Hoyaldoin?” is always followed up at the end of the conversation by “Yall have a nice day.” And people use the words “sir” and “Ma’am” like they were part of the magic word, please.
11.)They consider Kentucky UP NORTH, and they consider Michigan the frozen tundra. Case in point, “Ohhhh, yall from Michigan? It gets real cold up there, don’t it?” Or “You’ll like our winters. We don’t have all that snow like you get. We only get ice.” They way they talk, they get sheets and sheets of ice on a daily basis, which has my sister and I worried because the roads around here are CRAZY curvy!
12.)A word about their roads. They aren’t straight! They curve and twist and turn, and they are narrow … I MEAN REALLY NARROW! And apparently, the way the Commonwealth of Kentucky saves on government spending is by using only minimal guardrails.
13.)More on roads … in Michigan, to get from point A to point B, you can usually find a straight, back road that gets you there. Most of the time, you don’t need to know where you’re going. You simply pick your way across a county. You are assured you will ALWAYS find a major roadway at some point or another. Not the case here. Between point A and point B are about a gazillion points that lead absolutely no where and will take you through 8 different counties while you’re rapidly motoring yourself through the holler in one big circle.
14.)Pop is not called pop down here. It’s soda.
15.)Commonwealth of Kentucky. It’s not a state; it’s a commonwealth.
16.)They refer to their Flea Markets as Flea Malls and their Antique Malls as Peddler Markets or Flea Malls. My dad has some unexplained bites on his legs that he is sure he got at the Flea Mall we visited.
I have a big learning curve ahead of me. Yes, that’s right. I will soon be the newest member of the Commonwealth of Kentucky (more specifically, a citizen of Frankfurt, Kentucky). Heaven help us all! From now on, you will be reading the rantings of a 6th grade language arts teacher in Kentucky.
1.) The Kentucky River looks like chocolate milk. I live near a river at home – the Kalamazoo River. We’ve always thought it was a disgusting, dirty river. The few times I’ve gotten in it to canoe, I’ve always come out with this nasty schmeg stuff all over me. I’ll warrant a guess, I’ve not seen schmeg until I’ve dipped myself into the Kentucky River – which I don’t think I will be doing anytime soon. I think it’s safe to assume that the Kalamazoo River looks like an environmental miracle in comparison to the Chocolate Milk River down here.
2.) Every time we open our mouths down here, some one looks at us funny. You see, to them, we have the cutest little accent.
3.) Nowhere in Michigan, that I am aware, do we have these sprawling horse farms. Yes, we have lots of barns and fences, but we apparently don’t know how to care for them very well. Down in these parts, ALL your barns color coordinate … and your fences? These babies are neat as pins and all painted. And the fountains! They had fancy fountains in the middle of their pastures!
4.) It doesn’t smell like horse poop.
5.) Words are pronounced so much differently down here – and there are new words for things we would spend an entire sentence on! For instance, “Hi, how are you doing today?” up in Michigan can be translated to “Hoyaldoin?” down here in Kentucky. Long Is in words like nine and life, are HIGHLY exaggerated down here. Words like “sour mash” in Michigan (two very important words down here in Kentucky) are pronounced “sar maaaash” down here. I could do an entire blog on just the dialect alone, but I’m not entirely sure I have that part down yet.
6.) Kentucky bourbon is famous in this area, and they are VERY serious about it too. $27.99 a bottle serious, I might add! And they put bourbon into EVERYTHING: chocolate fudge, chocolate sauce, salsa, marinade, barbeque sauce … perhaps that’s why whole sentences are reduced to one words?
7.) Sweet tea is a staple beverage down here. Unsweetened tea is almost against a person’s religion.
8.) You can’t spit without hitting a Baptist Church. LITERALY.
9.) Liquor stores close up, lock, stock and barrel on Sundays. And apparently, they roll up their main streets at night, because after 5 p.m., almost everything starts shutting down.
10.)Every one is sooooooo friendly down here. We falsely assume that we are friendly as can be up north. UH …. No! We’ve got nothing on these people’s southern hospitality. “Hoyaldoin?” is always followed up at the end of the conversation by “Yall have a nice day.” And people use the words “sir” and “Ma’am” like they were part of the magic word, please.
11.)They consider Kentucky UP NORTH, and they consider Michigan the frozen tundra. Case in point, “Ohhhh, yall from Michigan? It gets real cold up there, don’t it?” Or “You’ll like our winters. We don’t have all that snow like you get. We only get ice.” They way they talk, they get sheets and sheets of ice on a daily basis, which has my sister and I worried because the roads around here are CRAZY curvy!
12.)A word about their roads. They aren’t straight! They curve and twist and turn, and they are narrow … I MEAN REALLY NARROW! And apparently, the way the Commonwealth of Kentucky saves on government spending is by using only minimal guardrails.
13.)More on roads … in Michigan, to get from point A to point B, you can usually find a straight, back road that gets you there. Most of the time, you don’t need to know where you’re going. You simply pick your way across a county. You are assured you will ALWAYS find a major roadway at some point or another. Not the case here. Between point A and point B are about a gazillion points that lead absolutely no where and will take you through 8 different counties while you’re rapidly motoring yourself through the holler in one big circle.
14.)Pop is not called pop down here. It’s soda.
15.)Commonwealth of Kentucky. It’s not a state; it’s a commonwealth.
16.)They refer to their Flea Markets as Flea Malls and their Antique Malls as Peddler Markets or Flea Malls. My dad has some unexplained bites on his legs that he is sure he got at the Flea Mall we visited.
I have a big learning curve ahead of me. Yes, that’s right. I will soon be the newest member of the Commonwealth of Kentucky (more specifically, a citizen of Frankfurt, Kentucky). Heaven help us all! From now on, you will be reading the rantings of a 6th grade language arts teacher in Kentucky.
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