A VALENTINES TACTICAL ERROR OF COLOSSAL PROPORTIONS
I was sent to Pier 1 Imports today by the parental units, who had me on a birthday fact-finding mission for them. There I was ... in the middle of the store ... with half of Frankfort's male and taken population, who have all obviously waited until the last minute to buy their sweeties a Valentines gift.
So, there I was, in Pier 1 Imports, me and all the desperate men of the world -- desperation is not attractive, by the way. Not by a long shot -- and here comes a dad and his two kids. Clearly, he thought this would be a fun outing. A daddy-child bonding event. Perhaps a little lunch at a local eatery afterward. Better be some alcoholic drinks involved, by the looks of things, dude, because I'm guessing that the thought never occurred to him that this whole idea might just be a tactical error. Of course, the wife TOTALLY knew what was going to happen, but she's not saying a word, because frankly, it gets the kiddos out of the house for a while and out of her hair.
So, there I was, witnessing the downfall of this man's Rainbow Colored-Glasses dream of "picking out a nice Valentines Day gift for mommy." He had two kids, which I didn't realize at first, and the reason I didn't realize this will be explained a little later on. But the little boy, I guessed to be about 4 years old, and he had obviously, been dipping into the Conversation Hearts early, because he didn't walk around the store so much as bounced off everything around the store ... like a pin-ball machine.
Tactical error #1 was waiting until the last minute to buy mommy a gift.
Tactical error #2 was bringing the kids along and dragging them into his desperation.
Tactical error #3, and the one that I think is the most grievous of them all, was steering them toward anything that was glass, which is exactly what he did, God bless his heart.
Every time Daddy said, "Hey do you think Mommy would like this?" the little boy would grab something glass, fragile, and costly and squeal at the top of his lungs, "OOOOOOOOHHHHH!!! MOMMY WOULD LIKE THIS!"
To which, Daddy would say in a slightly panicked voice, "Hey, hey, hey. Put that down. Let's not touch anything glass or breakable, okay?"
Tactical error #4 was continually asking the 4 year old if "Mommy would like this," because that would only screw the excitement level up ten notches on Touchy-Feely boy.
"Guys, guys. Why do I have to keep telling you 'Hey, hey, hey'? Huh?" And that's when I saw the older sister, who, my guess was 6 or 7. She had plunked herself in front of the Art Deco vanity which is entirely covered in glass -- not my style, but very vintage. She was staring into the three-sided mirror, intently watching herself dig her nose. I use the word dig here because I couldn't see her forefinger ... the one that was apparently lost inside her nose. So, the suggestion Daddy made of going to get him a basket to hold his finds was totally lost on Sister, because she was mesmerized by her reflection and nose-picking technique.
It's at this point in the story that I must admit that my mouth almost got the better of me ... again! For it was at this exact, I had to force myself NOT to shout, "TACTICAL ERROR, DADDY! PULL UP, PULL UP!!!"
So, there I was, in Pier 1 Imports, me and all the desperate men of the world -- desperation is not attractive, by the way. Not by a long shot -- and here comes a dad and his two kids. Clearly, he thought this would be a fun outing. A daddy-child bonding event. Perhaps a little lunch at a local eatery afterward. Better be some alcoholic drinks involved, by the looks of things, dude, because I'm guessing that the thought never occurred to him that this whole idea might just be a tactical error. Of course, the wife TOTALLY knew what was going to happen, but she's not saying a word, because frankly, it gets the kiddos out of the house for a while and out of her hair.
So, there I was, witnessing the downfall of this man's Rainbow Colored-Glasses dream of "picking out a nice Valentines Day gift for mommy." He had two kids, which I didn't realize at first, and the reason I didn't realize this will be explained a little later on. But the little boy, I guessed to be about 4 years old, and he had obviously, been dipping into the Conversation Hearts early, because he didn't walk around the store so much as bounced off everything around the store ... like a pin-ball machine.
Tactical error #1 was waiting until the last minute to buy mommy a gift.
Tactical error #2 was bringing the kids along and dragging them into his desperation.
Tactical error #3, and the one that I think is the most grievous of them all, was steering them toward anything that was glass, which is exactly what he did, God bless his heart.
Every time Daddy said, "Hey do you think Mommy would like this?" the little boy would grab something glass, fragile, and costly and squeal at the top of his lungs, "OOOOOOOOHHHHH!!! MOMMY WOULD LIKE THIS!"
To which, Daddy would say in a slightly panicked voice, "Hey, hey, hey. Put that down. Let's not touch anything glass or breakable, okay?"
Tactical error #4 was continually asking the 4 year old if "Mommy would like this," because that would only screw the excitement level up ten notches on Touchy-Feely boy.
"Guys, guys. Why do I have to keep telling you 'Hey, hey, hey'? Huh?" And that's when I saw the older sister, who, my guess was 6 or 7. She had plunked herself in front of the Art Deco vanity which is entirely covered in glass -- not my style, but very vintage. She was staring into the three-sided mirror, intently watching herself dig her nose. I use the word dig here because I couldn't see her forefinger ... the one that was apparently lost inside her nose. So, the suggestion Daddy made of going to get him a basket to hold his finds was totally lost on Sister, because she was mesmerized by her reflection and nose-picking technique.
It's at this point in the story that I must admit that my mouth almost got the better of me ... again! For it was at this exact, I had to force myself NOT to shout, "TACTICAL ERROR, DADDY! PULL UP, PULL UP!!!"
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