Sunday, September 14, 2008

CHASING THE BLACK CAT ALL OVER AGAIN

Yesterday, Erin asked me if I would walk the Black Cat Chase with her this year.

For those of you that read this blog with any degree of regularity, you will know that I walked the 5K run/walk YMCA fundraiser, called The Black Cat Chase, last year, and that it was that race that was the final straw for THE KNEE. From that point on, I dealt with swelling and pain ... swelling, that when Carrie came down to visit in March, was evident THROUGH the pair of jeans I was wearing!! The Black Cat Chase caused me seven months of denying there was an issue only to have three months of physical therapy, dealing with Sadists in the PT gym, numerous visits to my orthopedic surgeon, an MRI, and, as an added bonus, reaching my OUT OF POCKET limit on my insurance ... those insurance folks hate me, just so you know.

So, yeah, sign me up for the Black Cat Chase one more time!

"Seriously," you're saying to yourself right now. "Is she really that stupid?"

No, my logical processing abilities are not the point here.

No, the point is that I've reached my limit of living life in this building called school. The point is I've reached the limit of my entire identity being wrapped in TEACHER. I'm so much more than the building and the title.

I've reached that place in my life where I am going to be all out selfish and do this life for me ... because I deserve it ... because I earned the right to breathe the air ... because I've earned the right to enjoy being in the moment.

I don't know what it is about us women, but sometimes we function in this I HAVE TO BE EVERYTHING TO EVERY ONE BUT NOTHING TO MYSELF world. I'm sorry, how can I be anything to anyone without taking care of myself?

Yes, it's taken me this point in my life to realize it's okay to take care of me. Period.

So, I have a month ... exactly a month and one week ... to get my self stronger than I am right now. To be crazy insane ready to walk this Black Cat Chase, and I'm going to do it, because I am strong and I can do this and I deserve to do this ...

As I think about a relationship with a man ... one day ... I hope it happens ... I think about the person I am. How can I possibly build a healthy relationship with him, whoever he is, if I'm not healthy now ... in every spectrum of that word ... how can I be a good friend ... a good daughter ... a good teacher ... a good person ... a good partner, if I'm denying myself the basic needs of spiritual, physical, and mental health and fitness?

So, it starts right here ... right now.

BRING IT ON BLACK CAT. I am sooooo ready for you!






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